Chapter 40

"Out in the open"

It was quiet around the small dining table and only the sound of people eating were audible, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all. On the contrary, everyone was tired after a long day and it felt nice to be able to sit in silence together, simply enjoying each other's presence without feeling the need to strike in forced conversation all the time. 

Especially Na Ri was enjoying the silence, after spending most of her days in the kindergarten with Soo Ri, she was starting to feel overstimulating from all the talking and interacting with the kids. Although she did enjoy it and felt herself filling up with energy when she was with the kids, she was completely drained when the day was over, and she felt herself longing for the bed, more than she had ever been longing for it before.

"I'm glad we could eat dinner together tonight," Woo Jin said when all plates were empty and they were just relaxing while letting the food settle in, "I feel like you two have been together so much lately, I'm the one feeling like the third wheel." Soo Ri just giggled as she looked at her fiancé who was whining for attention and Na Ri just rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm sorry for neglecting you," Soo Ri said, "but I'm also happy that I've gotten to know my sister in-law even better. And I'm pretty sure I've cured her fear of kids by now."

"Mostly..." Na Ri said nervously, "some of them are sweet... but... some of them are still scary."

"That's how it is with humans in general, isn't it?" Woo Jin asked and they all nodded along.

"Well, shall we clean up and go watch some TV?" Soo Ri asked and Na Ri nodded with a smile, while Woo Jin on the other hand, had a somewhat nervous look in his eyes.

"Sure, I'll-" Na Ri started, but Woo Jin quickly interrupted her.

"Actually, I need to talk to noona about something," Woo Ji said, earning a confused look from both women, "can you handle things for now, Soo Ri-ya?"

"Sure, just go talk," Soo Ri said, waving them away as she started carrying things to the kitchen. Woo Jin turned to look at Na Ri and then gestured for her to follow him to the living room.

"What's this about?" Na Ri said as she felt her body shaking slightly, "you... you seem so serious."

"Noona, remember how you spoke on the phone with that friend of yours from your University a few days ago?" Woo Jin asked.

"Yes, I spoke to Min Ji-ya about two days ago," Na Ri answered while her body was shaking more with every second that went by.

"I ended up overhearing some of your conversation by mistake," Woo Jin said, already feeling like a horrible person, "and... I heard you telling her that you won't go back to University." It became completely silent between the two siblings and the only thing they could hear was Soo Ri doing the dishes, the sound traveling all the way from the kitchen to the living room.

"If you're worried about me staying here forever, don't be," Na Ri said, clearly changing the subject from what was really important, "I will find a place I can live, I just need to figure out what I want to do with my life first..."

"That's not what this is about and you know it!" Woo Jin said, a little harsh in his tone, "have I ever seemed like it was an annoyance to me that you lived here? I've only been happy to get a little closer to you after all these years."

"What... is this about then?"

"Have you spoken to mom since you went to see dad?" Na Ri's eyes widened as Woo Jin mentioned their mom's name for the first time in weeks.

"No and why should I?" Na Ri said annoyed, "she lied to me."

"Yes I know, I know you're angry and you have every right to be," Woo Jin said, "but you don't know the whole story and I'm afraid you're making this choice because you want to get back at mom."

"Seriously?" Na Ri said, her whole body pumping out adrenaline at the speed of light, "you think I'm that immature?"

"No, but I think you're really hurt right now," Woo Jin said, "you're not thinking straight, so that's why... I asked mom to come." Na Ri stared at Woo Jin in anger as all the blood in her veins started boiling.

"What?"

"Yes, I asked mom to come here and she thought it was a good idea too," Woo Jin said, "you two need to talk things out."

"You don't know what I need!" Woo Jin was just about to answer when he was interrupted by the doorbell.

"That must be mom," Woo Jin said and walked to the hallway.

"You asked her to come TODAY?" Na Ri asked and Woo Jin turned around.

"Yes, I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you might run away," Woo Jin said and then continued walking to the hall where he opened the door and invited Hye Jin inside.

Na Ri was still standing in the living room, her blood boiling like never before and her breathing still increasing by the second, while she heard whispers and fragments of a conversation between Woo Jin and Hye Jin who were still standing in the hallway.

In the same second, Na Ri took a step forward and walked to the hallway where she made eye contact with her mother.

"Na Ri-"

"Let's go upstairs," Na Ri said and turned around before anyone could say otherwise. Hye Jin looked at her son and let out a sigh as she followed Na Ri upstairs to the guest bedroom.

For a while they just stood across from each other in the small bedroom, Na Ri staring at her feet. The adrenaline had left her body and all the energy she seemed to be filled with before, was gone.

"Na Ri-ya... I've come to apologize," Hye Jin said as the first to speak and Na Ri's eyes shot up, "I know you must feel betrayed and I know you must have a lot of questions and I'm prepared to answer all of them." Na Ri looked at her mother for a while and then cleared her throat before saying:

"Really?" Hye Jin nodded.

"Are you and dad divorced?" 

"Yes, your dad and I have been divorced for almost 12 years."

"Why?" Na Ri asked as her second question. Hye Jin let out a sigh and sat down on the bed, whereafter she gestured for Na Ri to follow her and sit next to her. After a little while of intense eye contact, Na Ri eventually caved in and sat down next to her mother.

"Your dad and I... we never fought," Hye Jin started, "I know that must sound ideal at first, but actually it isn't. Instead of letting out our frustrations and talking about the things bugging us, we kept it all bottled up inside while we slowly grew more and more apart. I've always been scared of conflicts and I'm an expert in sweeping the problems under the rug, pretending they aren't there. That's why... when I first found out your dad cheated on me... that's exactly what I did." Na Ri's eyes widened by the word "cheating" and she looked at her mom with an expression different from the harsh ones she'd sent her before.

"We got married really young. I didn't know how to probably resolve conflicts in a marriage and because my parents were so opposed to our marriage, my pride didn't allow me to ask them for advice. I was stupid like that and for years I let your father get away with cheating on me," Hye Jin continued while Na Ri listened to every word she told.

"You probably remember the night your dad left," Hye Jin asked and Na Ri nodded while diverting her eyes, trying to hold back the tears, "that night I had finally mustered up the courage to confront him, but after keeping everything inside for so long, I couldn't bear it one more second. I needed him out of my life or I would break down. That's why I told him to leave immediately." Na Ri looked at her mom as she felt a single tear finding its way out of the corner of her eye and she quickly wiped it away.

"Mom... I'm... really sorry you had to go through all that..." Na Ri said and took in a deep sigh, "but... that doesn't change the fact that you lied to me."

"I know... I just didn't know what else to do," Hye Jin said while she was fighting to hold back the tears, "you always loved your father more than me, and I knew that just because Kwan Soo was a bad husband, it didn't mean he was a bad father. That's why I didn't want to ruin the perfect image you had of your father."

"You didn't want to ruin the perfect image I had?" Na Ri asked, "perfect... things always have to be perfect when it comes to me..."

"What do you mean?"

"Because you wanted me to keep that perfect image of my father, you lied to me for years!" Na Ri said.

"I know, I understand you're angry-"

"No, I don't think you understand!" Na Ri yelled, "I thought... I thought dad left because he didn't love me anymore..." Hye Jin stayed silent as she looked at her daughter who was fighting with all her power to get the words out.

"I didn't understand why he would leave like that... I wanted him to come back so bad and I started thinking, if I just worked hard enough... if I just got good enough marks in school... then he would come back and praise me."

"Yes, I know," Hye Jin said, the tears falling down her cheeks, "at first I was happy to see you working so hard... I wanted you to do well... so you could get a good education... so you didn't end up like me... but with time I realized what this was doing to you... those... episodes."

"They're called panic attacks!" Na Ri yelled and Hye Jin widened her eyes, "yes, I went to a psychologist... again! Because of your lies, I had panic attacks so severe it led me to pass out. I developed anxiety and I shut myself off from everyone around me. I wasn't living a life... I was living in hell!" 

"Na Ri-ya, I'm so sorry!" Hye Jin said and Na Ri was unable to hold back her tears as well.

"You know... everytime my psychologist tried to talk about my dad... I ended the conversation..." Na Ri said in between her sobs, "I think... deep down I've known for a long time that dad wasn't in America... I just wouldn't allow myself to believe it... because if I did... living in hell had been all for nothing."

"Na Ri-ya," Hye Jin said but Na Ri wouldn't let her get even one more word out.

"No, I won't go back to University!" Na Ri said, "I'm done listening to you, I'm done listening to anyone. From now on... I decide what path I want to walk on!"

Hello everyone!

Now everything is finally in the open. Na Ri knows everything, but she still isn't taking it too well. Woo Jin seems to think she's trying to punish her mom by not going back to University.

What do you think? Na Ri needs one more semester and she will be done with her bachelor. Should she go back or should she quit University? Let me know in the comments down below.

Also, remember to take care of yourself and stay safe!

Love, Annalise~