Chapter 30

"I'll figure it out on my own" 

Na Ri stared at her phone as she read through the text messages between her and Min Ji. 

It didn't take long for Min Ji to send Jungkook's contact information, and after taking in one deep breath after another, Na Ri finally sat down and managed to scribble a message for Jungkook.

For a while, Na Ri didn't do anything besides staring at her phone, waiting for a reply from Jungkook, but after a significant amount of time had passed, she decided to put her phone away and distract herself in some way. 

She quickly found her backpack and took out her schoolbooks. Even though she was only sick one day, she still felt like she had gotten way behind. For the last few days she had been studying until late at night, and even though she already covered all the material she missed out on, her heart still pounded like a maniac whenever she tried to go to sleep. So in the end she got back up and opened up her books again. 

As the day went by, Na Ri couldn't help but check her phone once in a while. When she felt stuck in a subject.. When she got ready to leave for work. When she took a break at work. When she left work and went home. When she stopped by the convenience store to buy some easy dinner. When she ate that dinner. And once again when she got ready to go to bed. 

"Just go to sleep," she told herself as she lied under her blanket, staring at her ceiling, "you already covered every topic for the next week." 

"But what if you get sick again?" The voice inside her head whispered, "you have to be prepared." 

"I won't get sick again," Na Ri tried to convince herself. 

"How can you be sure?" The voice said, "and what about the group project?" 

"Stop!" Na Ri yelled and grabbed her head, scaring Cat in the process, which made her jump of the bed. 

"It will be alright. Everything will be alright. It will be alright..." Na Ri whispered to herself while she sat up in her bed. 

"The group project will fail," the voice in her head said, "Jungkook hasn't replied because he's already given up on the project." 

"No!" Na Ri yelled, "he's just busy. He will reply. The group will get together soon and we will get everything done in time." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes!" 

"Are you SURE?" 

"YES!" 

"ARE YOU SURE!" 

"Y... yes..." Na Ri stuttered, her body shaking and cold sweat sliding down her back. 

"See, you're not sure. You don't trust them. You know it'll turn out the same way it always does with group projects!" 

"STOP IT!" Na Ri yelled while she hit her head, trying to block the voice inside her head. She quickly got out of bed and ran towards her balcony. The air in her apartment felt suffocating and her head was spinning, but the once she got outside and breathed in the cold night air, her mind seemed to clear up little by little. 

She stood for a while with her hands holding onto the ice cold railing, looking at the city view, while breathing in and out slowly and calmly. Her body felt more at ease after doing so for a few minutes and the annoying voice in her head seemed to have gone silent.  

She turned around and was about to go back in when she noticed the lights coming from inside Namjoon's apartment.  

Was he having trouble sleeping too? Na Ri thought while she stared at his apartment, but she quickly shook away the thought and when back inside.  

***

With a beating heart and while clinging to the strap of her backpack, Na Ri stood in the middle of the hallway, staring at every person walking past her. Even though a whole week had passed since the rumor started, she could still hear a few whispers and sometimes she caught people staring at her, but the effect was starting to wear off. 

She still remembered Min Ji's concerned phone call the day the picture of her and Namjoon had been circulating on campus, and even if it did make Na Ri uncomfortable about going to school, she wouldn't allow it to stop her. Luckily she had developed a skill throughout her years of being alone, to simply shut out the rest of the world, and for the first time in a while, this skill had come in handy to her. 

As her eyes traveled over the sea of students, she saw a young man walking in the midst of them, and like a ninja, she swooped inside the mass of people and dragged Jungkook out of it.

"What is going-" Jungkook said until he noticed Na Ri who was standing next to him, breathing heavily, "Na Ri-ssi, it was you dragging me out?" Na Ri nodded, still trying to catch her breath after running into the mass of students. 

"You didn't... answer... my message..." Na Ri said in between her fast breaths. After feeling her body calm down she looked up and saw the nervous expression on Jungkook's face while he looked away. 

"I'm sorry," Jungkook said, "I know this must be very stressing for you but... I just can't be with those two right now." 

"But-" 

"I'm sorry Na Ri-ssi... I didn't mean for this to affect you," Jungkook said and put his hand on her shoulder with an apologetic look on his face, "I'll see you around." 

Na Ri stayed in the same spot like a statue, watching the back of Jungkook disappear down the hall. 

"Na Ri-ya, good morning." Na Ri turned around when she heard the cheerful voice of Min Ji coming from behind her. 

"G... good morning," Na Ri said and tried her best to smile brightly, but it came out kinda creepy instead. 

"You look really pale, is something wrong?" Min Ji asked while looking at Na Ri who simply shook her head. 

"I'm fine," Na Ri said and when she saw Min Ji getting ready for a counter question, she continued, "let's go to class." 

Going to classes somehow took Na Ri's mind off of her worries about their group project, and Min Ji's positive energy seemed to get passed on to Na Ri as well. At noon they met up with Taehyung to eat lunch together and as they sat down at a table, Na Ri couldn't help but bring up the group project she had been trying so hard to forget all day long. 

"You actually spoke to Jungkook-a?" Min Ji said surprised, "and tried to convince him?" Na Ri nodded her head. 

"Did you really think that would help?" Taehyung asked and Na Ri sent him a cold glare. 

"You aren't doing anything to help..." Na Ri said under a breath but it was clear through Taehyung's facial expression that he heard every word. 

"What did you say?" Taehyung said in a firm voice and Min Ji quickly jumped in. 

"Let's not fight," she said and stroke Taehyung's arm, "Na Ri is trying to help. It will be bad for us if we don't work this out." 

"It will be bad for her, yes!" Taehyung said, "it'll be a stain on her perfect score and to maintain her image she's willing to put her best friend under a lot of stress." 

"Taehyung-a, calm down!" Min Ji said, watching the anger rise in both Taehyung and Na Ri's eyes. 

Silence took over the small table, until Na Ri pushed back her chair and got up from her seat. Without a word she left the two behind as she walked out from the Cafeteria, all the while Taehyung and Min Ji could do nothing but watch. 

"There she go- OUCH!" Taehyung said when Min Ji swung her hand to the back of his head, "what was that for?" 

"One of these days I might actually kill you, Kim Taehyung!" Min Ji said with burning fire in her eyes. 

"What did I do wrong?" Taehyung asked, still groaning in pain. 

"Why do you always talk to her like that? Even after being friend for so long now, you still treat her the same way you did from the beginning." Taehyung turned silent and looked at the half empty plate in front of him. 

"It's not that I don't like her..." Taehyung started, making Min Ji raise an eyebrow, "but I just like you more. You're the most important person to me and since the beginning, she's been making me anxious." 

"Anxious?" Min Ji asked. 

"You do so much for her, you always go out of your way to make her happy or make her feel at ease. It's to a point you don't even think of yourself and how it would affect you. How can that not make me anxious?" Taehyung explained while Min Ji just looked at him with an expression growing softer every second, "I'm not saying Na Ri-ssi is a bad person, but she clearly has issues. She's not not mentally strong enough to think of anyone but herself. Right now she's just not capable of doing that. Her desire to be perfect won't let her think of anyone but herself. That's just how she is, so even if you're on your way to destroy yourself in the process of helping her, she won't be able to give back anything in return to help you." 

Taehyung stopped talking and looked at Min Ji who seemed to be at a loss for words, until she took in a deep breath and then started: 

"I never knew you felt like this, I didn't understand why you always talked so harshly to Na Ri-ya. I think I understand you a little better now. But, I already knew what type of person Na Ri-ya was when I befriended her. I knew it would be a one-sided friendship in some way, but I still decided to do it. And I won't stop being friends with Na Ri-ya, so instead of always working against her, why don't you try to support me by being nice to her?" Taehyung looked at Min Ji for a little while until he let out a sigh. 

"Fine, I'll do my best," he said and Min Ji sent him a big smile. 

"Thank you." 

***

"So how have things been lately?" Ji Woo asked before taking a sip of her coffee. She slowly leaned back in the sofa, looking at Na Ri, while waiting for her reply, but no words came out. Na Ri's eyes were focused on the cup she had lifted from the table, but she had stopped midway and her arms were starting to hurt from holding the cup in this position for so long.

Her head was a mess as hundredths and hundredths of thoughts bounced back and forth in her mind, no sign of them slowing down, and there was no way she could keep track of all of them at once. 

"Song Na Ri-ssi?" Ji Woo said and Na Ri looked up, her first move for several minutes, "it seems like something is on your mind today." Na Ri put down the cup without drinking anything and she simply shrugged her shoulders.  

"I heard some rumor was being spread about you and Professor Kim," Ji Woo said and made Na Ri's eyes shoot up, "do you want to talk about that?"  

"No..." Na Ri said, feeling a bit uncomfortable. 

"Alright," Ji Woo said and continued, "how are things going with your group project?" Ji Woo looked at Na Ri who just stared at the floor, not saying a word. 

"I remember you told me about what happened between Lee Min Ji-ssi and Jeon Jungkook-ssi," Ji Woo said and tried to see if she got any reaction from Na Ri, but there was still nothing, "do you want to talk about that?" 

"No!" Na Ri then yelled, "I don't want to talk about Professor Kim, I don't want to talk about Min Ji-ssi, or Jungkook-ssi or anyone else in this stupid University!" 

"Alright," Ji Woo said firmly and Na Ri went quiet, "we don't have to talk about anything. I didn't force you to come here, you came on your own, so you must have something you want to talk about." 

"I don't... know... why I came," Na Ri said, starting out loudly, but calming down throughout finishing her sentence. 

"Then why don't we do this; I ask you a question and you decide if you want to answer or not, and then maybe we can figure out the reason why you came here today." Na Ri looked at Ji Woo who sent her a calm smile and Na Ri just nodded her head slightly as reply. 

"Have you ever spoken to a psychologist before?" Ji Woo then asked and Na Ri sent her a weird look. 

"What... does that... have to do with anything?" Na Ri asked. 

"Maybe nothing. Maybe something," Ji Woo said and shrugged her shoulders, "you decide if you want to answer the question or not." Na Ri looked at Ji Woo for a while, almost like she was trying to see how long she would wait before she gave up and asked her another question, but this woman's patience was beyond human. So eventually Na Ri caved in. 

"I have," Na Ri answered. 

"When was that?" Ji Woo asked. 

"When I started High School," Na Ri answered. 

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" 

"After... the group project failure at the end of middle school," Na Ri began explaining, "I did everything to avoid group projects." 

"And how did that work?" 

"Okay... Sometimes they said I had to work in a group no matter what and I pulled myself together," Na Ri said and went silent for a while before she continued, "but when I started High School, one of the first projects was a group project... And..." 

***

"Everyone, the groups will be decided by a lottery," the teacher said, "I wrote every student's name on a piece of paper and I will draw three names in a batch to determine the groups." Na Ri felt her heart beat faster as she watched the teacher's hand go into the bowl and drag out the first piece of paper. 

As one name after another was called out and the teacher started writing the groups on the board, Na Ri felt her insides twist and turn. She counted the students on her fingers, trying to figure out how many were left, including herself.  

"Song Na Ri-ssi," the teacher then said and Na Ri looked up in fear, "and the second person in this group is... Cha Mi Rae." Na Ri looked at Mi Rae with a somehow relieved facial expression. She was one of the best students in their class and she seemed like a hard worker, even though Na Ri had never been in a group with her before. But it would be okay. 

It had to be okay. 

"And the third person in the group is... Kim Yoon Seo." Na Ri nearly choked on her own saliva when she heard the name called out by the teacher.  

No. 

No no no. 

Why her? Anyone but her! 

Na Ri's mind was spinning like a carousal while the teacher called out the rest of the groups, whereafter she said: 

"Please get together with your group mates and use the rest of this class to start working on your assignment." Na Ri stared at the teacher with a frightened expression in her eyes, barely noticing her two group mates nearing her table. 

"Hi Na Ri-ya," Yoon Seo said with a big smile, "I'm so happy I get to work with you again." Na Ri looked up, not able to get any words out, and instead she immediately jumped up from her chair and walked up to the teacher. 

"Song Na Ri-ssi, what's wrong?" the teacher asked when she saw Na Ri standing in front of her. 

"I need to work alone," Na Ri said firmly. 

"Excuse me?" the teacher said after hearing the demanding tone from the 16 year old girl, "you don't need to do anything except what you're told." 

"I need... to work... alone," Na Ri said, her voice stuttering a bit this time. 

"But Song Na Ri-ssi, it's a group project," the teacher said, a bit more gentle when she saw the fear arise in Na Ri's eyes, "you can't work alone."

"BUT I NEED TO!" Na Ri yelled out, making every student look up, whispering about what was going on. 

"Song Na Ri-ssi, please calm down," the teacher said, but Na Ri could barely hear the words coming from her mouth. Everything around her seemed blurry and her throat was closing in, making it harder to breathe. 

"What's going on?" one student whispered. 

"She's always been weird, but now she's seriously turned crazy," another whispered. 

"She really only cares about herself, wanting to work alone so badly," another student whispered and all the voices blended together in Na Ri's head, slowly turning into a loud, uncomfortable noise. 

"Na Ri-ya," Yoon Seo said as she walked closer to Na Ri, and put her hand on her shoulder to get her attention, but Na Ri immediately pushed her away. 

"Don't touch me!" Na Ri yelled out and sent Yoon Seo a glare. 

"Do you really hate working with me that much?" Yoon Seo asked while the teacher looked at both of them in despair. 

"Song Na Ri-ssi, please be a little more cooperative," the teacher said, "you have to work in groups." 

"No!" Na Ri yelled, "no, no, no!" Na Ri squatted down to the ground while she continued yelling "no" again and again, the whole class staring at her in the process. Her mind seemed to intensify every sound and she reached for her head, covering her ears with her hands to block the voices around her. 

"What's wrong with her?" a student whispered while staring at Na Ri who had curled up on the floor. 

"Kim Yoon Seo-ssi, go get the school nurse right now," the teacher said, "and the rest of you leave the classroom right now, I think Song Na Ri-ssi needs some space." 

***

"Then what happened?" Ji Woo asked, her eyes fully focused on Na Ri while she took in every word she said. 

"They called my mom and they sent me to a psychologist," Na Ri replied in a monotone voice. 

"And how did you feel about that?" Ji Woo asked. 

"Annoyed," Na Ri replied. 

"And why is that?"  

"She was annoying," Na Ri answered and glared at Ji Woo. 

"Like me?" Ji Woo asked and made Na Ri look away without saying anything. 

"Let me ask you something else," Ji Woo said after some time went by without Na Ri giving her answer, "why do you think you find psychologists to be so annoying?" 

"What... do you mean?" Na Ri asked. 

"Do you think it's because they try to talk about things you don't really want to talk about?" Ji Woo asked, "maybe things like, why you're so obsessed with getting the perfect score. Things like... your father?" Na Ri's head shot up when she heard the last sentence and she immediately got up from her chair. 

"I have class soon, I need to go," Na Ri said and walked towards the door. 

"Song Na Ri-ssi, wait," Ji Woo said and got up as well, "we didn't schedule our next session." Na Ri turned around and looked directly at Ji Woo with a dead expression in her eyes, until two seconds later when she reached for the door and left the room without a word. 

After going through what felt like the longest afternoon in history, Na Ri found her way home, and the first thing she did was throwing herself on her bed with a loud thud. 

"Meow." Na Ri opened her eyes and saw Cat standing next to her on her pillow, watching her with its big, dark green eyes. 

"Did you have a tough day as well?" Na Ri asked while gently stroking the cat over its fur, "don't worry, everything will be alright." The cat purred and slowly snuggled up next to Na Ri, looking very pleased with her continuous petting. 

"I'll be alright," Na Ri whispered to herself while letting her body be calmed down by the sound of Cat's purring, "I don't need her. I don't need anyone. I'll figure it out on my own. I always do."

Hello everyone!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Remember to stay warm and eat healthy and take care of yourself. Stay safe.

Also, don't forget to leave a comment down below.

Love, Annalise~