Chapter 15.5

"Regrets"

"I messed up, didn't I?" Namjoon said with his face buried in his hands.

"Pretty much," Seokjin replied while sipping coffee.

"Why didn't you stop me?" Namjoon whined.

"How was I supposed to know you would say something stupid?"

"I tend to say something stupid. Maybe I should just keep quiet."

"I don't think that's possible for you," Seokjin said, earning a glare from Namjoon, "but in this case I really think it was that Ahjumma who was overreacting. Why would she read into it like that?"

"You're right, that is kind of suspicious," Namjoon said and rubbed his chin, "it's like I've said from the beginning, something about that girl just feels off and her mother is definitely not making my suspicion fade in the slightest."

"What are you two talking about so secretively?" The two men turned their faces and saw a young woman with light brown hair standing in the doorway to the kitchen while she had a smug smile on her face.

"Soo Jin, what are you doing here?" Seokjin said in a surprised but joyful tone before he hurried to her side and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Jin what are you doing? Namjoon-a is here!"

"I didn't see anything, I swear" Namjoon said and put a hand over his heart. Seokjin and Soo Jin both sent Namjoon a smile before they turned their focus back to each other.

"I didn't know you were coming back already," Seokjin said, still in a quite surprised tone.

"I wanted to surprise you," Soo Jin said, "my sister said hello, she's hoping to see you again soon."

"Tell her thanks when you talk to her, I'm sorry I couldn't go with you this time."

"It's okay, going to Japan is a long journey and you have your restaurant to take care of," Soo Jin said and then turned her eyes towards Namjoon again, "and a friend in need I see. It's good to see you again, Namjoon-a."

"It's good to see you too," Namjoon said and got up from his chair to greet Soo Jin probably, "did you have a good time with your sister?"

"Yes we had a lovely time! But... I miss her already."

Namjoon and Seokjin both tilted their heads to the side and gave her a look of empathy.

"Are you tired, do you want to just go home and rest?" Jin asked with a worried look.

"Are you kidding me? I don't want to sit at home feeling depressed. I want to party with my two best friends!"

"I'm going to have to correct you on that one," Jin said raising a finger in the air, "I do consider myself as something more than just a best friend."

"Oh would you stop it!" Soo Jin said and playfully pushed Jin away, "how do you handle being around this man?" she then asked Namjoon who just shrugged his shoulders.

***

The light was dimmed almost all the way down in the small cozy bar where Namjoon, Seokjin and Soo Jin had sat down to get a drink and just enjoy each other's presence. It was late Friday night and the bar was full, the mood was great and the jazz musicians playing in the background only added to the good atmosphere.

"So tell me, Namjoon-a," Soo Jin then started after putting down her half-finished drink, "what's it like living in Seoul? And do you like your job at the University?"

"I quite like it here," Namjoon said with a smile, "I really like teaching and all my coworkers are really nice."

"I'm happy to hear that," Soo Jin said with a smile, "it's kinda crazy to think about, just two years ago you were the one studying at a University and now you're Dr. Kim Namjoon!"

"Oh no Soo Jin!" Seokjin quickly corrected her, "Namjoon doesn't call himself 'Dr.' He just refers to himself as 'Professor Kim'." Soo Jin raised an eyebrow as she looked at Namjoon who seemed to avoid eye contact.

"Are you serious?" Soo Jin asked Namjoon, "did you study for 9 years at the University, just to be called 'Professor'?"

"What's wrong with that?" Namjoon asked, still avoiding eye contact and focusing his energy on the drink in front of him.

"Is this about Ye Ji-ssi?" Soo Jin asked and both Namjoon and Seokjin looked at her with widened eyes.

"Soo Jin, why are you bringing his ex girlfriend into the conversation all of a sudden?" Seokjin said in a low voice but Soo Jin just ignored him and kept her eyes focused on Namjoon, not leaving this be before she got a straight answer out of him. Namjoon then let out a sigh and straightened up his back before saying:

"No, it has nothing to do with Ye Ji, I just don't like that title. 'Professor' seems more appropriate," Namjoon began explaining, "I mean I'm the youngest of all my coworkers and none of them have the doctor degree. If I come along referring to myself as 'Dr.' it will feel like I'm putting myself above them. Above my coworkers who have all those years of experience."

"This isn't a matter of experience, this is a matter of education and what you're entitled to," Soo Jin stated while Seokjin kept pulling her sleeve, trying to get her to drop this conversation, "this is all about you being too modest. Age doesn't mean a thing in this matter. You have to give yourself credit for all the hard work you went through." Soo Jin stared down Namjoon who just looked back at her with an empty look. Then suddenly, a faint smile appeared on his face and he spoke in a gentle voice:

"You're such a good person, always wishing the best for your friends. But this is my decision in the end."

"But-"

"Who wants a refill?" Seokjin yelled all of a sudden and interrupted Soo Jin before she could say anything else.

"No thanks," Namjoon quickly replied and got up from his chair, "I think I'll go home for tonight. Leave you two love birds alone after a whole month apart."

"I didn't say those things to upset you," Soo Jin said in an honest voice, "I hope you understand that."

"I do," Namjoon replied, "and I'm not leaving because of those things you said. I hope you understand that as well." Soo Jin nodded her head and Namjoon waved goodbye to his two friends before beginning the journey home.

It was a chilly autumn evening and Namjoon was shivering, scolding himself for not putting on extra layers. The summer was long gone, in fact winter was already close by and especially the evenings were proof of this.

In the end, Namjoon decided to take the bus home. Walking all the way would simply be too cold and he didn't have time to fall sick right now. He had a class to teach.

"Good evening sir," the bus driver said as Namjoon got in and Namjoon replied with a: "Good evening to you too," before he sat down on one of the many empty seats. 

Even though the sun had set long ago, for most people, a Friday night like this was still young. Looking out of the window, Namjoon watched the city glow up like a chandelier with all it's lights and colors. He watched the people walking around city in small groups or larger groups, probably on their way to a club or a bar where they could let loose and forget about school and responsibilities. Even if it was only for one night, even if they had a whole stack of homework and tests to prepare for, they all decided to leave it be for this one night and just have fun. 

Just how they should. 

If you aren't careful, life will pass by you before you know it. Before you know it, you're in your late twenties, your youth gone by and only the boring reality of adulthood waiting in front of you.

"NAMJOON!" The high pitched female voice rang across the dorm room after she ran through the door and jumped up on Namjoon's bed before embracing him in a warm hug.

"Well I'm happy to see you too, Ye Ji," Namjoon said, trying to breathe through Ye Ji's tight hug.

"Did you check your mail today?" Ye Ji asked after releasing Namjoon from her arms, "did you? You didn't, did you?"

"Okay calm down," Namjoon said and chuckled lightly, "no I didn't check it. But it seems like you checked yours."

"I did," Ye Ji said and looked like she was on the brink of exploding into a large firework.

"...and?" Namjoon said after Ye Ji had stayed silent for a while. She looked at him with a smile brighter than the sun before she took in a deep breath and then said:

"I GOT IT!" She held up a piece of paper in front of Namjoon's face as she continued, "see, I printed out the email. It's real!" Namjoon grabbed the piece of paper from Ye Jin's slender hands and looked at it, his eyes quickly skimming through the text. He then looked at Ye Ji with pure happiness written all over his face.

"Congratulations sweetheart!" he said and pulled her in to a deep kiss and then gave her another warm hug.

"I can't believe it," Ye Ji said while still in Namjoon's arms, "I can't believe we're going to America together."

"Now don't get too happy yet," Namjoon said with another chuckle, "we don't know if I got a scholarship too."

"Of course you did," Ye Ji said after releasing herself from Namjoon's arms, "you just haven't checked your emails yet. Go check them, go check them now. Please, please, pretty please!"

"Okay, okay, I'll go check them now," Namjoon said and turned on his laptop. He quickly opened his browser and started going through his emails while Ye Ji sat on the bed behind him, trying to read his reaction.

"So?" Ye Ji said in an optimistic voice, but her optimism didn't last long when Namjoon turned around and she saw the expression on his face.

"I didn't get an email," Namjoon said and the room turned completely silent. Ye Ji just stared at Namjoon for a second before she got up and stormed to his computer, scrolling through his emails herself.

"No... No... Maybe they forgot to send it out... maybe you'll receive it tomorrow... Or the day after tomorrow," Ye Ji said in a desperate voice.

"Ye Ji," Namjoon sighed and grabbed her shoulders, making her turn around and face him, "today was the last day they would announce the scholarships and you know it. Don't get your hopes up, we have to face reality here." Ye Ji's eyes slowly started welling up while she just shook her head.

"No," she kept saying, "I know you will get a scholarship, you and I are at the same level. Why would I get one and you don't?"

"Ye Ji... stop lying to yourself," Namjoon said, "we both know you're lightyears ahead of me... in all subjects at that. You're the smartest and most intelligent student in our department."

"So are you!" Ye Ji yelled and Namjoon couldn't help but smile at her eagerness.

"Only one person can be the smartest," Namjoon then said, "I'm up there, that's right. But I'm still struggling in some subjects. That's the truth. That's reality." 

Ye Ji looked at Namjoon before quickly wiping away her tears with her hands and then put on a serious expression.

"Well, I guess I will have to decline my scholarship then."

"What kind of nonsense are you spouting?" said Namjoon.

"I'm not going to America without you! That was our dream!" Ye Ji yelled and threw her printed email on the ground before stomping hard on it.

"Doing that won't make the scholarship go away," Namjoon said and looked at Ye Ji, "they chose you because you have a bright future ahead of you. Don't throw that away!"

"But-"

"No buts! I won't accept it, don't you dare stay here because of me!"

"How am I supposed to live without you?" Ye Ji said and felt the tears slide down her cheeks.

"Woah, woah, who said anything about living without me?" Namjoon asked while taking a step closer to his emotional girlfriend, "who said we have to break up, there are no rules for that!"

"What?" Ye Ji said, still sobbing quietly.

"It's only two years while we finish our master's degree," Namjoon said and gently caressed Ye Ji's cheek, "I'll be busy over here, you'll be busy over there, and before you know it, we'll be together again."

"R... Really?" Ye Ji asked while sniffling away her tears.

"Yes, really," Namjoon said, "how could I ever leave you." Namjoon slowly pulled Ye Ji closer and wrapped his arms around her. He could still hear her quiet sniffles and he felt himself welling up too. He couldn't let her see, she would never leave if she saw. He had to smile through the pain. He had to patch up his broken heart and believe the words he just spoke to Ye Ji. He just had to.

Hello everyone!

So first I just want to explain what all this "15.5" is about. Basically I planned out the entire plot for all 40+ chapters, but then I realized we never really heard about Namjoon's past and his school years and all that. I just felt like he deserved to be heard as well but I didn't want to mess up my system. So there you have it, chapter 15.5

Oh and yes Soo Jin is that Soo Jin from A Lost Voice special chapter if anyone noticed!

But what did you think? What do you think Namjoon has 'regretted' in his life? Let me know in the comments down below.

Take care and stay safe.

Love, Annalise~