Chapter 6

"Look at me"

Just like everyone else in the big auditorium, Na Ri had her eyes glued onto Min Ji who was just standing in front of her with a big wide smile. Na Ri was still trying to comprehend the situation when Namjoon took a step forward and interrupted her thoughts.

"Well that's good to hear then," Namjoon said and smiled, "I'll write Song Na Ri's name on your group then."

"Thank you," Min Ji said and walked towards Na Ri, but she didn't stay put. As soon as Min Ji took a step forward, Na Ri was ready to flee the scene and she practically ran up to Namjoon.

"E... Excuse me... Professor Kim..." Na Ri said while her voice was shaking and she did her best to divert her eyes from his.

"Yes?" Namjoon said in a gentle tone as he noticed how Na Ri wasn't continuing her sentence, "can I help you with anything?"

"The... the thing is..." Na Ri began stuttering again as she felt her heart rate increase at the speed of light, "I just... I just wanted to ask if... maybe... I could work alone."

Na Ri took in a deep breath when she finally got the last part of the sentence out loud and she just stared at the floor while nervously waiting for Namjoon's reply.

"You want to work alone?" Namjoon asked and immediately, Na Ri nodded her head, "but it's a group project?"

"I... I know..." Na Ri began speaking again but Namjoon stopped her before she could continue.

"I'm sorry Song Na Ri-ssi," he said and tried to look as kind as possible, "but I can't let you work alone. This project can't be done alone, it's also a way to prepare you for the real life. Out there, teamwork is the most important thing. It doesn't matter how intelligent you are if you can't work with others."

Na Ri looked at Namjoon for a brief second while he took a short break before speaking again:

"So, Song Na Ri-ssi, why don't you give it a shot and see it as an opportunity to get to know your classmates better."

After Namjoon had finished talking, he turned around and went back to his desk where many other students had gathered to ask questions about the project, but Na Ri just stayed in her spot, unable to move even an inch.

"Song Na Ri-ssi." Na Ri turned around the second she heard someone call out her name and she stood face to face with Min Ji who now had a more gentle look in her eyes.

"Y... Yes!" Na Ri said when she realized Min Ji was waiting for some sort of reaction and she immediately blushed when she saw how Min Ji couldn't hold back a small giggle.

"How about we go and meet the rest of the group?"

Coming to the conclusion that no way out of this project could be found at this moment, Na Ri nodded along to Min Ji's suggestions and followed her to one of the tables where she saw two young boys sitting.

"Song Na Ri, this is the two other members of our group," Min Ji said and happily extended her arms to present the two boys, but when a significant amount of time had passed, Min Ji cleared her throat, gesturing for the boys to introduce themselves.

"Yes, my name is Kim Taehyung," Taehyung said, "my major is actually Performing Arts and this course is only a supplementary course I'm taking, but I'll still give it my all, so let's work hard together!"

"And my name is Jeon Jungkook," Jungkook then said, "I'm also majoring in Performing Arts like Taehyung-a, but I think this course is really interesting and I hope we'll do well on our project."

"And as you probably already know, I'm Lee Min Ji," Min Ji then said as the last one, "I'm so happy you're going to be in our group, I think we're going to have so much fun together!" As Min Ji uttered the last sentence, she excitedly grabbed Na Ri's arm, but quickly pulled away when she saw Na Ri's uncomfortable expression.

"Anyway," Min Ji said to quickly move on, "shall we begin discussing our project?"

As the group of four sat down, they began discussing everything and they all seemed pretty enthusiastic about the project, everyone expect Na Ri who hadn't spoken a single word since she follow Min Ji to the table.

"It seems like we're going have to use some of our evenings and weekend on this project if we want to do well," Jungkook said and both Min Ji and Taehyung nodded along in union.

"I think you're right," Min Ji said, "how about we meet this Saturday to divide the work between us and discuss further?"

"That sounds alright, I don't have any plans on Saturday," Taehyung said.

"Me neither," Jungkook added.

Na Ri suddenly felt three people's gaze landing on her and when she looked up she found reality to be exactly like that.

"I... I don't have any plans..." Na Ri then said and everyone nodded along.

"Then that's settled," Min Ji said and clapped her hands together, "where should we meet?"

"Well our dorm room is alright I guess..." Jungkook suggested.

"Song Na Ri-ssi, do you live in the dorm?" Min Ji asked and Na Ri was startled by the sudden question.

"I... no..." Na Ri managed to get yet another sentence out.

"Do you live with your parents then?" Min Ji continued what felt like a third degree in Na Ri's eyes.

"I... I live alone..."

"Woah you actually live alone? That is so cool!" Taehyung almost shouted and Min Ji hit him on his arm for being loud.

"It would be fun to meet up somewhere outside of the dorm for once," Jungkook then said.

"Exactly!" Taehyung said excitedly but in a lower voice, scared that Min Ji would hit him again, "then we'll all meet up at Na Ri's place this Saturday."

B...but...

"We should bring snacks as well, we'll probably stay there for a while if we have to plan out this project," Taehyung said.

"Your idea, so you're buying!" Jungkook said and pointed at Taehyung who just opened his mouth wide open.

Wait...

"Come on let's split the bill!" Taehyung said.

"Alright alright," Jungkook said, "wait, what time do we meet?"

"Not early! It is Saturday after all," Taehyung argued.

No...

"So around noon?" Jungkook suggested.

"Na Ri-ssi..." Min Ji said in a low voice and gently put her hand on Na Ri's shoulder, "are you alright?"

Stop touching me.

Stop touching me.

Stop touching me!

"Hey Na Ri-ssi," Taehyung said suddenly, "where do you live? Is it far away? Can we take the train there?"

Na Ri was barely able to understand the words spoken by Taehyung as every sound around her was blurred and drowned out by the overshadowing sound of her heartbeat. Her hands were sweaty, her body was shaking, her head felt cold. So cold. She had to get out. She had to get out of there.

"Na Ri-"

Min Ji was cut short by the sound of a chair screeching as Na Ri got up from her seat and ran out of the auditorium without looking back. She just ran, ran as fast as her legs could carry her down the hallways and without her worrying about running into someone or looking stupid in other people's eyes. She had to get away from there. Far away.

Around another corner, down another hall and then out the door she ran. 

The wind hit her like a wall and she crouched down while she tried to control her fast breathing, but no matter what she did, she would keep breathing in faster and slower breaths while her heart just continued pounding in her chest.

I'll pass out.

I'll pass out.

The words of her inner voice didn't help the process of calming down at all and she reached for her throat in desperation.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I can't-

"Woah woah woah!" Na Ri suddenly a pair of hands grabbing her by her shoulders and forcing her to turn around, "Na Ri, you're hyperventilating. If you don't calm down you'll pass out."

I ALREADY KNOW THAT!

While Na Ri continued her fast breathing and panic spread in her eyes, Min Ji got a more firm grip on her shoulders and then looked deep into her eyes.

"Na Ri! You have to listen to me know, okay? You have to breathe slowly," Min Ji started speaking in a firm tone, "follow me as I breathe. Look into my eyes and breathe with me. Breathe in... then breathe out... and breathe in... and breathe out again. Keep looking into my eyes, don't look away! Breathe in... and breathe out... breathe in... yes that's it, keep going... keep going."

Na Ri was shocked when she suddenly felt her body calming down and she slowly returned back to earth, again able to take notice of her surroundings and herself for that matter.

"You seem to have calmed down a little," Min Ji said before letting go of Na Ri, "why don't we go for a walk before we go inside again?" Na Ri wanted to refuse, but somehow she still nodded her head and then followed along as Min Ji began walking around campus.

"How are you feeling?" Min Ji asked after they had walked for a bit in silence.

"Fine."

Another moment of silence filled the air around them until Min Ji took in a deep breath and then spoke again.

"I used to have them too," Min Ji said and Na Ri looked at her in confusion, "you know... the panic attacks."

"I... I don't have panic attacks..." Na Ri said and Min Ji raised her eyebrow.

"Then explain what happened back there," Min Ji said, not caring if she was being too harsh or too direct.

"I... I was just feeling unwell..." Min Ji sighed but decided that she wouldn't start up a discussing at this point.

"Alright, but then tell me what made you feel that way. I noticed you were feeling unwell earlier when we talked about the project. Did something make you uncomfortable maybe?"

Na Ri just diverted her eyes while desperately trying to blink away her tears. Min Ji stopped in her tracks and Na Ri did the same, looking up and meeting with Min Ji's loving and caring gaze.

"You know... it's alright to speak up if there's something you're not comfortable with."

***

"Do you think they're coming back?" Jungkook asked Taehyung, who was playing with one of his pencils.

"Who knows," he just said with a sigh.

"Na Ri-ssi looked pretty upset, do you think we said something wrong?"

"Who knows... maybe..." Taehyung just replied.

"Would you at least try to act like you care!" Jungkook yelled.

"I do care!" Taehyung yelled back but then lowered his voice again, "but I really don't know, I don't understand that girl. I don't even know why Min Ji wanted her in our group to begin with."

"I think she wanted to help her," Jungkook said in a low voice, "that's how Min Ji is, she really care about others."

"I care about others too, I just don't waste my time on people who don't make an effort themselves."

"Don't you think you're being a bit too judgmental?" Jungkook said and raised a brow.

"No I-"

"So, how are things going over here?" Jungkook and Taehyung both looked up when they heard the familiar voice of their Professor, "where's the rest of your group?"

"Well they..." Jungkook stuttered, "they um..."

"They just went to the bathroom," Taehyung quickly said, "you know girls, going to the bathroom can almost be like a social gathering for them"

Namjoon looked at Taehyung with suspicion but before he could ask another question, he saw Min Ji and Na Ri walking through the doors of the auditorium.

"I guess they're back now," Jungkook said and all three of them followed Min Ji and Na Ri with their eyes as they neared them. Namjoon put on his brightest smile to greet the girls, but when he noticed Na Ri's red nose and swollen eyes, his smile disappeared and he found himself unable to say or do anything other than stare.

"That took you long enough," Taehyung said before he also noticed Na Ri's face and he just decided to shut up. Jungkook never even opened his mouth but just looked at Min Ji, trying to speak with his eyes to find out if everything was okay.

"I'm sorry we left, Professor Kim," Min Ji said after she and Na Ri had sat down next to the others, "we had something urgent, but we're back now and will continue working on our project."

"Y...yes of course," Namjoon just said as he was still a bit shocked from earlier, "be sure to speak up if you need help with anything."

"Thank you Professor Kim, that is very kind of you," Min Ji just said and patiently waited for Namjoon to walk away. There was a long and awkward silence where Na Ri just kept her gaze on the floor and Taehyung rubbed his neck in frustration while Jungkook kept looking at Min Ji for some kind of answer.

"Is everything alright?" Jungkook said and was the first one to interrupt the deadly silence.

"Yes, it is now," Min Ji said and smiled, "but Na Ri-ssi has something she would like to say." Na Ri suddenly looked up and locked eyes with Min Ji who had this reassuring look on her face, so convincing that it almost helped Na Ri calm down from her anxiety.

"I..." Na Ri said but immediately felt her throat twist and turn so she couldn't get a single word out. She started breathing more heavily again, but when she felt Min Ji's hand on hers, she came back to her senses.

"It's okay," Min Ji said and smiled even brighter.

"What is it?" Taehyung asked and tried to sound as gentle as possible.

"You can tell us," Jungkook added.

"I... don't want to study at my apartment..." Taehyung and Jungkook kept staring at Na Ri, almost expecting to get some kind of explanation or to get a long rant, but Na Ri just stayed quiet and looked at the ground.

"Okay," Taehyung said and Na Ri looked up for a brief moment, "that's okay, we can just study at our dorm room, there's plenty of room, right Jungkook-a?"

"Yes, of course!" Jungkook quickly said and Na Ri turned her eyes to him for less than a millisecond, "we won't to go to your place if it makes you uncomfortable. So please don't worry."

Na Ri looked at Min Ji, almost like she wanted her to verify what the two boys had said and Min Ji immediately knew that from the look Na Ri gave her.

"See, everyone is okay with it," Min Ji said and she noticed the instant change in Na Ri's expression, like all her muscles just relaxed.

"Now we just have to figure out what play we'll perform," Taehyung said and the talk was immediately back on track, almost like the little break in the middle hadn't taken place at all. Na Ri silently followed along in everything they said, she remembered to take notes and nod along whenever they asked her if she agreed with their decision. While she went through her back to find her pencil case, Taehyung noticed the rustling sound, almost like that of candy wrappers.

"Do you have candy in your bag?" The words just slipped out of Taehyung's mouth before he could think a second time and everyone looked at Na Ri. She looked at Taehyung for a short moment and then nodded before pulling out around ten candybars while everyone's jaw dropped down to the floor.

"WOAH... this is crazy!" Taehyung said as his eyes were glued on the candy and Na Ri handed him one of them while gesturing for him to take it.

"You're giving me one? Thank you so much!" Taehyung said and started unwrapping the candybar. Na Ri then took two more candybars which she handed to Min Ji and Jungkook.

"Do you always bring this much candy with you to school?" Taehyung said, suddenly being very interested in Na Ri.

"Yes," Na Ri said and felt a little embarrassed.

"Well... I've just decided that Song Na Ri-ssi is my new best friend!" Taehyung said and Na Ri looked almost terrified by his words which made both Jungkook and Min Ji burst out laughing.

"I don't think Na Ri-ssi agrees with that," Jungkook said while laughing.

"Of course she does," Taehyung just said, "isn't that right?"

"Don't read too much into it," Min Ji whispered when she noticed Na Ri's confused facial expression, "he's just saying that because he wants candy. If you tell him you'll share your candy with him then he'll always be nice to you." Na Ri looked at Min Ji who gestured for Na Ri to go ahead and tell him.

"I..." Na Ri said and used all her energy to look at Taehyung, "I'll share my candybars with you."

"YES WOOHOO!" Taehyung yelled and Min Ji immediately hit him and shushed him."

"Stop hitting me," Taehyung said and then looked at Na Ri again while sending her a thumbs up, "Na Ri-ssi, you really are the best!"

And for the first time, Na Ri let out a faint smile as she couldn't help but internally laugh at Taehyung's funny behavior.

"Alright everyone, enough with all this talk about candy," Min Ji said while clapping her hands together, "we have to get back to work."

"Yes sir!" Taehyung said teasingly, only to earn himself another punch from Min Ji.

***

After going straight from school to her work, then dragging her tired body home to her apartment, Na Ri threw herself on her bed before letting out a huge sigh.

"Meow!"

Na Ri was startled when the cat jumped up on her bed and stuck it's face all the way up to hers before purring as loud as a lawn mower.

"I'm sorry I was gone for such a long time," Na Ri said while petting the cat on it's head, "it's been one crazy day."

While Na Ri was peacefully lying in bed, her time of relaxation was suddenly interrupted when she heard a knock on her door. While wondering who would come to visit her, she slowly walked up to her door, but just as she was about to open it, the cat ran over, looking ready to run out the second it got opened.

"No, you can't go out," Na Ri said and tried gently pushing the cat away, "it's a cruel world out there, it's no place for a sweet cat like you."

After coming to terms that the cat wouldn't give up, Na Ri decided she'd only open her door a little bit, so she couldn't run out.

"Ah, hello Song Na Ri-ssi," Namjoon said when he saw Na Ri's head become visible through the tiny creak in the door, "I... I just wanted to make sure you were alright." Namjoon looked at Na Ri for a while, waiting for a reply to which she only gave a small nod.

"I mean... I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice how upset you looked after returning with Lee Min Ji-ssi, and I wondered if maybe I was too harsh on you or pushed you too far..." Namjoon stopped talking as he didn't really know what more to say and as he felt awkward speaking of such a serious matter through a small creak in the door.

"Why don't you open you door so we can talk? Or are you that mad at me?" Namjoon asked.

"No," Na Ri just said.

"No as in you won't open the door, or no as in you're not mad at me?" Na Ri had to think a second time to understand the sentence until she then said:

"The last one."

"Well, I'm happy you're not mad at me, but I still want us to have a proper talk, can I come inside for a mom-" Before Namjoon had even finished his sentence, he began opening the door, only to be met by Na Ri yelling louder than he had ever heard her be.

"NO!" she yelled out but it was too late, the cat had already seen it's chance and had run out, filling Na Ri's eyes with horror.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry, I didn't think, I just-" Namjoon kept talking but Na Ri didn't hear anything, she just ran inside, slipped into her shoes and put on her jacket. She almost ran right past Namjoon but he stopped her by grabbing her arm.

"Wait!" Namjoon said and Na Ri just looked at him with fear and sadness and worry all mixed up in her eyes. He wanted to tell her to go inside and calm down. It was a cat, cats run off all the time and come back before you know it. But seeing the fear in her eyes got him to let out a sigh before he let go of Na Ri's hand. He then looked directly into her eyes before saying:

"I'll help you find her."

Hello everyone!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It felt really weird writing about someone having a panic attacks, I've never written anything that is so close to me before, I think I've always been afraid to write something too personal, like I distanced myself from my writing in some way. But lately I've become a little bolder in facing my struggles and emotions and I think this book will help me do so even more.

So what do you think? Let me know your thoughts in the comments down below. 

Take care and stay safe.

Love, Annalise~