Chapter 26

"Rap line"

Na Ri looked at the floor, or rather, the few spots at her floor which was actually visible and not covered in clothes. She sighed when she thought about the mess she had created herself and wondered if she was turning into Min Ji, worrying about what to wear and spending way too long on getting ready.

As she began neatly folding her clothes before putting it back into her closet, she kept pulling her skirt as she didn't feel quite comfortable in it. She felt weird when she looked in the mirror, like it wasn't herself she saw in that long black skirt and with the dark brown knitted pullover to keep her warm in the cold winter weather. But she just diverted her eyes and simply shrugged the feeling off her shoulders and continued cleaning up her mess.

As she walked down the street where streetlamps and the bright light from open stores and restaurants paved the way, Na Ri kept her eyes on her phone most of the time, following the instructions Yoongi had sent her in a message.

She walked down a small street, through all it's twists and turns and she suddenly found herself in front of a staircase going downwards to a large brown door, one that was slightly open, letting out the loud chatter and noise from inside.

One more time Na Ri went over the instructions again, but she came to the same conclusion and walked down to the door. As she walked inside the crowded basement, she was hit by the smell of alcohol, mixed up with the smell of sweat. She didn't see many girls and quickly realized she was getting a lot of stares while she tried to find her way through the many people.

"Song Na Ri-ssi?" someone said in a questioning voice, one which Na Ri didn't recognize first off, but when she turned around and looked at the man in front of her, her memory came back.

"Kim... Seokjin-ssi?" Na Ri said, hoping she had remembered his name right, and when he nodded happily, she felt her heart being more at ease.

"Namjoon-a told me you would show up so he asked me to look out for you," Seokjin said and gently guided Na Ri away from the entrance, bringing her closer to the stage and also the crowd, "you won't be able to see anything from back there, why don't we go a little closer."

"I..." Na Ri suddenly stopped in her tracks when she felt everyone surrounding her, but when she looked back it seemed like there were even more people than before.

"What is it?" Seokjin asked when Na Ri didn't move forward.

"There's... a lot of... people here," Na Ri said but it was barely loud enough for Seokjin to hear it. Even still he was able to understand.

"Yes, it can feel a bit uncomfortable at first I know," Seokjin said in a reassuring voice, "but once Namjoon-a gets up there and starts rapping I'm sure you'll forget about everything else." Na Ri looked at Seokjin and suddenly felt her heartrate increase as the look on his face indicated he could see right through her.

"M... maybe..." Na Ri then said, earning another one of Seokjin's beautiful smiles. At first Na Ri didn't really believe she would be able to even pay attention to the performance with all the people around her, but just a few seconds later, a tall man walked up on stage and Na Ri suddenly felt all her attention shift.

At first she could barely recognize him, as a contrast to his professional attire he wore at University and the casual attire he wore at home, this was something completely different. His hair was styled in a more spikey way, slightly parted to one side he had piercings in both his ears.

With steps that seemed a bit hesitant, Namjoon walked to the edge of the stage and grabbed the mic from the stand, as he looked down at the audience. Na Ri suddenly felt his eyes on her and he sent her a calm smile before he diverted his eyes and began speaking.

"Good evening everyone," he started, "it's been a while since I've stood on a stage, but it feels good to be back. Tonight I'll perform a song I've written recently, so I hope you'll enjoy it."

Namjoon shifted his eyes to the left, coordinating with the sound system guy to put on his track, and when a soft beat started playing, Namjoon moved back a bit and took in a deep breath.

Na Ri's eyes widened when Namjoon rapped the first part of his song and his soft voice filled the room.

"With the cold air of the dawn

I secretly open my eyes

This city's harmony

It's so familiar to me

The days of my youth seem so far away

And now it's full of buildings and cars

But this is my home now (Seoul, Seoul)"

Every word that left Namjoon's mouth seemed to reach Na Ri and it entered right into her heart. As he rapped, or more like sang, about this city where he grew up, where he spent his youth, Na Ri wondered how many sides of Namjoon she hadn't seen yet. The young Namjoon full of hopes and dreams, what kind of person was he? How different from her Professor Kim was he? Would she even be able to recognize him if she met him back then? How much do people really change.

The song seemed to have a calming effect, not only on Na Ri, but on everyone present, as they couldn't do anything but give their full attention to Namjoon's performance, right until the end of the song. With a quick bow and a thank you, Namjoon left the stage during a loud applause.

"He's good, right?" Seokjin asked as he grabbed Na Ri's attention and got her out of her head and back to earth.

"He... yes..." Na Ri said, her mind still trying to process what she had just witnessed. Seokjin couldn't hold back a silent laughter, but he quickly stopped and pointed towards the stage.

"Ah, look, that's Jung Hoseok," Seokjin explained as a man with a big bright smile walked onto the stage, "he and Namjoon-a have been friends since way back. You should look forward to his performance, it's very different than Namjoon-a's style."

And that indeed was the truth. The opposite of Namjoon's laid back rapping and soft melodies, Hoseok was happily jumping around on stage while rapping to the upbeat and funky music.

"Beyond that boundary line over there

We'll feel it

Like the hole Alice fell into

Like the way to Hogwarts

It will be a world of mirages

And it will be my world

It will be like how I imagined it

But it won't last forever

Shit"

Na Ri tried to decipher the weird lyrics, but as the song went on, she just kept getting more and more confused. While Na Ri tried wrapping her head around the lyrics, she felt Seokjin shifting in his place, and when she looked at him, she noticed he was waved at someone. A few seconds later, Na Ri saw Namjoon walk through the maze of people until he was standing right next to them.

"Good job," Seokjin whispered and Namjoon thanked him.

"I'm glad you liked it," Namjoon replied and then looked at Na Ri, his cheeks slightly red from embarrassment, "and you... what did you think?" Na Ri didn't know why, but she suddenly felt taken a back by the question and she quickly diverted her eyes without answering.

"Don't worry my friend," Seokjin then said and put a hand on Namjoon's shoulder, "she told me she thought you did well."

"Really?" Namjoon asked and looked at Na Ri who still remained silent, "well Hoseok-a is very good as well, don't you think?" Na Ri nodded her head and Namjoon walked past Seokjin so he stood in between him and Na Ri.

"But..." Na Ri said and looked at Namjoon, "I don't... understand his song." Namjoon laughed silently before looking at Na Ri again.

"That's okay, it's supposed to feel a bit confusing, because that's how daydreams can feel," Namjoon answered and continued, "it's about daydreaming about all the things you want to do, but realizing that those things will simply remain a daydream. But even by knowing this, he still wants to continue daydreaming." Na Ri nodded her head as she started understanding the song a little better, but when she looked up at stage again, she realized it was empty.

"What..." Na Ri said as she couldn't even remember the song ending.

"I guess I made you miss out on the song," Namjoon said in an apologetic voice, "I'll stay quiet now since it's Yoongi hyung's turn. Be prepared to feel attacked by his rap." Na Ri didn't know what to make of those words, until Yoongi began rapping and Na Ri felt her heart stop.

"At times I'm scared of myself too,

Self hated and thanks

To the depression that takes over me

Min Yoongi is dead already (I killed him)

Comparing my dead passion with others,

It's now a part of my daily life"

Even though the beat was slow, Yoongi's words hit Na Ri like a bulldozer and as the song moved on, it only got stronger. The way he used silence to emphasize on different parts of the lyrics and the earnestness that was visible in his voice, at times even got Na Ri to stop breathing.

"On the first visit to psychiatric ward,

My parents came up with me

We listened to the consultation together,

My parents said they don't truly understand me

I don't understand myself well either,

Then who would understand?

Friend? Or you? Nobody knows me well

The doctor asks me

I answered without any hesitation that I have done

Habitual saying uh

I don't give a shit I don't give a fuck

All those words uh

Those words are said to hide my weak self

Those days I wish I could erase

Right, that performance day

Which I don't remember very well

The day I confronted myself

When I hid inside the toilet

Because I was scared of people"

His voice grew stronger and Na Ri could tell the climax was approaching, but she wasn't sure she could take anymore, neither her heart or mind. Even still there was no escaping it and when Yoongi yelled out every last bit of the lyrics, Na Ri felt a tear slide down her cheek, hopefully without anyone noticing.

When the song was over, Na Ri let out the breath she had been holding for a long time and Namjoon looked at her with concern and curiosity. He wanted to ask her so badly about how the song made her feel, but before he could even finish the sentence inside his mind, he felt two arms wrap around him.

"Namjoon-a!" Ye Ji said as she continued hugging Namjoon, until he gently tried to make his way out of her embrace, all the while feeling Na Ri's eyes on him.

"Ye Ji-ya," Namjoon said with a half smile, "you made it."

"Of course I did, it was just too difficult to find you among all these people," Ye Ji began explaining, "I really liked your performance."

"Thank you," Namjoon answered, "ah, let me introduce you to someone..." Namjoon started but when he turned around to where Na Ri was, the spot was empty.

"Seokjin hyung," Namjoon asked, "where did Na Ri go?"

With her back against the two lovey dovey people, Na Ri went up to the bar and ordered a drink. The waiting felt eternal and she nearly swallowed everything in one go.

"Woah, easy there," Na Ri heard a familiar voice say, but when she turned around both she and the source of the voice looked startled.

"Na Ri-ssi," Jungkook said as he realized who he was standing next to, "what... what on earth are you doing here?"

"Jungkook-ssi..." Na Ri said with her eyes wide open, "how... how long have you... been here?" Na Ri felt the fear transfer to every part of her body as she stared at Jungkook, waiting for his answer.

"Me? I just arrived," Jungkook replied and Na Ri felt relieved he wasn't there to watch Namjoon perform, "but you didn't answer my question."

"Ah..." Na Ri said and laughed nervously, "I... I just... I thought I should try it... at least once... a rap performance..." Jungkook lifted one of his eyebrows and gave a suspicious look, but in the end he simply shrugged his shoulder and drank the rest of his beer.

"You sure are weird, Song Na Ri-ssi," Jungkook said with a sigh, "I don't think I'll ever understand you."

"Yeah..." Na Ri said, not really knowing what to do with herself, "are you... a fan of... rappers?"

"I guess I am," Jungkook replied, looking like he wasn't completely sure, "actually... Taehyung was the one who was a fan. He just always dragged me with him to these concerts. But in the end I'm coming here alone now so I must have become a fan as well." There was a sad smile on Jungkook's face and Na Ri immediately regretting ever asking him, but when the music suddenly started playing again, both of them lifted their heads and looked towards the stage.

"Oh they're three on stage now," Jungkook said while Na Ri felt her anxiety return when she saw those who entered the stage, "I guess they're doing a cypher."

As Namjoon stepped forward, wearing a big fur jacket and a pair of black sunglasses, he started spitting out lyrics like it was fire. A few seconds went by and Na Ri kept her focus on Jungkook's face where she saw his eyes slowly focusing more and more on Namjoon.

"Wait..." Jungkook then said and Na Ri swallowed, "is that... Professor Kim?" Jungkook nearly yelled out the last part and Na Ri diverted her eyes.

"Ah... well... it looks like it..." Na Ri stuttered.

"What a surprise," Jungkook said while watching the performance where the focus had shifted to Hoseok by now, "who new a University Professor would use his spare time rapping?"

"Yeah..." Na Ri said laughing nervously again, "I... I got to go!"

"But Na Ri-ssi!" Jungkook yelled out as he watched Na Ri run away, "it was nice being with a friend tonight..." Jungkook whispered to himself and looked at his empty glass. He let out a sigh and ordered a refill.

Na Ri ran through the crowd who was going wild during the cypher performance and she suddenly felt dizzy. The dimmed light and all the noise became too much for her and she reached for her head which had started to hurt. The ringing in her ears got louder and she took her other hand and used both hands to cover her ears while she squatted down in the midst of everyone.

"Na Ri-ssi!" a voice yelled but it was all blurred to Na Ri, her vision as well as her hearing.

"Na Ri-ssi! Na Ri-ssi look at me!" Na Ri looked up and saw the beautiful lady from before, looking at her with concerned eyes. She had squatted down as well, both her hand placed on her shoulders as she looked directly at Na Ri.

"Na Ri-ssi, are you okay?" Ye Ji asked with worry in her voice. And as Na Ri looked at Ye Ji, she suddenly turned back to normal and nearly jumped up from the floor.

"I'm... I'm fine!" Na Ri said firmly and took a step away from Ye Ji.

"What's going on over here?" Namjoon asked and Na Ri widened her eyes when she noticed him walking up behind Ye Ji. Na Ri hadn't even noticed the song had ended.

"I think Na Ri-ssi suddenly felt sick," Ye Ji said and looked at Namjoon, "maybe we should get her something to drink.

"That sounds like a good-" Namjoon started but was immediately interrupted by Na Ri.

"I'M FINE!" Na Ri said again and felt surprised at her own outburst.

"But-" Ye Ji started, only to feel Namjoon's hand on her shoulder.

"She says she's fine," Namjoon said with a smile.

"There you all are!" Seokjin said as he came running towards the small group, "Yoongi says to come have a drink with him and Hoseok before you leave."

"That sounds great!" Ye Ji exclaimed, "let's go." Ye Ji began walking as she held onto Namjoon's arm.

"Na Ri-ssi," Namjoon saidwhile he gently tried to get Ye Ji to let go, but she was persistent, "are you coming?" Na Ri looked at Ye Ji and Namjoon before she took a deep breath.

"Y... yes!" she said and followed them to a small table in the other end of the basement. Na Ri quickly recognized Yoongi and the person next to him who was called Hoseok. When they noticed the others approaching, Hoseok sent a welcoming smile.

"Come sit down," Hoseok said and made room, "woah that felt great, it's been too long since we performed a cypher together."

"I'm sorry I couldn't continue performing with you because of my busy schedule," Namjoon said, "but it really did feel good to get up on stage again."

"I'm glad to hear that," Yoongi replied and then noticed Na Ri looking a bit uncomfortable, "Hoseok, have you met Song Na Ri-ssi?" Na Ri immediately looked up by the mention of her name.

"No, I don't think I have, nice to meet you, my name is Jung Hoseok," Hoseok said and sent Na Ri a bright smile, "so, are you a fan of rap?"

"No," Na Ri said a bit too quickly and realized how impolite she sounded, "I mean... tonight... is my first time... hearing it."

"Is that so?" Hoseok said and leaned forward, looking interested, "then let me hear, what did you think?" Everyone's eyes were suddenly focused on Na Ri and she felt her throat starting to close up.

"I... I liked it," Na Ri said.

"Who did you like the best," Hoseok asked and earned a look from both Yoongi and Namjoon.

"Don't put her on the spot like that," Yoongi said and Namjoon nodded.

"You don't have to answer that," Namjoon said and looked at Na Ri.

"That's okay..." Na Ri said and shifted her eyes to Yoongi, "I really... enjoyed your song."

"My song?" Yoongi asked and pointed at himself with a surprised look in his eyes, "how come?"

"Your lyrics..." Na Ri said and suddenly felt the rest of the sentence disappear in her mind. The emotions from before seemed to come back as she started thinking about the lyrics and she quickly turned silent.

"I'm glad you liked it," Yoongi said when he realized Na Ri wasn't able to continue, "although it looks like someone is a bit jealous." Yoongi's eyes fell upon Namjoon and Na Ri turned her head.

"I'm sorry!" Na Ri said when she saw the dejected look in Namjoon's eyes.

"Hey, what about me?" Hoseok asked and Na Ri turned to him.

"I'm sorry!" she said again, "I liked... all of you. Just... in different ways." Hoseok started laughing when he saw how nervous Na Ri looked.

"Don't worry, we're just teasing you," Hoseok said, "of course you'll always feel more drawn to one song than another."

"Well, I liked yours the best," Ye Ji then said and looked deeply into Namjoon's eyes, "it was really lovely to see you on stage again, you looked good."

"Really?" Namjoon said and blushed a little, making Na Ri's eyes widen, "thank you."

The talk continued and the same did the drinking, except Na Ri who still had nightmares about her behavior from the last time she was drunk. But as the night went on and Ye Ji seemed to sit closer to Namjoon for every hour that passed, it became more and more tempting to just swallow a whole bucket of alcohol. Every spontaneous touch, Na Ri saw. Every secret look Ye Ji sent him. Every internal joke they had, Na Ri heard and it felt like a sting to her heart.

"Namjoon-a~" Ye Ji said with a cute voice, "I've missed you so much all this time."

"I think you had too much to drink," Namjoon said and gently pushed Ye Ji away, who was clinging to him like a koala.

"I think!" Na Ri suddenly spouted as she got up from her chair, "I need to leave."

"Wait!" Namjoon yelled, but Na Ri was already on her way. Quickly, Namjoon got up from his chair as well, but he felt Ye Ji holding onto him for dear life.

"Please... don't leave me," Ye Ji said with big puffy eyes and pouty lips. Namjoon sighed and reached out for Ye Ji.

"Let go," Namjoon said, "I don't know what you're expecting from me, but when we broke up 2 years ago, I moved on. I have no intentions of getting back together with you."

"But-" Ye Ji said with tearfilled eyes.

"I have to go now," Namjoon said, cutting her off, "I expect you guys to send her home."

"Leave it to me," Seokjin said, "you go do what you gotta do."

Namjoon ran out of the door and down the street, hoping he was going in the right direction, by assuming she was on her way home. And lucky for him, he quickly saw Na Ri's figure in the distance.

"Na Ri-ssi!" Namjoon yelled and grabbed onto Na Ri so she quickly turned around.

"Namjoon-ssi..." Na Ri said surprised, "why are you... here..."

"Gosh... Na Ri-ssi, why do you always run away?" Namjoon just said, completely ignoring Na Ri's question, "it's becoming a real hassle! You can't just run away every time you get scared."

"Just leave me alone!" Na Ri said and turned around, but Namjoon quickly grabbed onto her again.

"No, I'm not going to let you leave this time," he said in a firm voice, "tell me what's wrong."

"Let go!" Na Ri yelled, but Namjoon didn't let go.

"Tell me what's wrong," Namjoon said again, "why did you suddenly leave?"

"I'm jealous!" Na Ri spouted, but quickly regretted it, as she saw how Namjoon's expression changed.

"What?" Namjoon asked, "you're... you're jealous?" Na Ri nodded along as she kept her eyes on the ground.

"Why are you jealous? Is it because... because of Ye Ji-ya?" Na Ri nodded again and Namjoon let go of her with a sigh, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know!" Na Ri yelled out, her head being a mess, "I don't understand myself... I don't know... why I feel this way."

"You don't know?"

"No!"

"I don't believe you," Namjoon said, making Na Ri look up, "I just think you're too scared to admit to yourself how you're feeling."

"No, you're wrong!" Na Ri exclaimed, "I don't know."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, I don't understand these emotions."

"Then I'll make sure you understand," Namjoon said and in the same second, he reached out for Na Ri, pulled her close to his body and placed his lips on hers.

Hello everyone!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter because I really had a lot of fun writing it even though it was also hard. 

Also, in case anyone doesn't know, Min Yoongi is my bias in BTS. Wanna know why? Because of that song I quoted in the chapter. "The Last". When I first heard that song on YouTube I just stared at the lyrics while crying. Every word spoke to me and it just hit me right in the feels.

Knowing Yoongi is struggling with such problems and uses it to create us all amazing music really makes me respect him a lot. I found this song when I was feeling really down myself so I actually couldn't listen to it without crying. It still makes me emotional today but since I'm feeling better than a couple of years ago, I can listen to it now and just enjoy it while thinking of all the things I've been through and how I've reached what I feel like is a good life for me.

I hope you all will reach your goal in life and become happy. Let's make 2020 a wonderful year together.
- Quote by Annalise at the end of 2019...

I guess 2020 didn't turn out just as I (or anyone for that matter) thought it would, but we can get through this together! Take care of yourself and stay safe!

Also, don't forget to leave a comment down below.

Love, Annalise~