Chapter 12

"Lights out"

Na Ri never had trouble avoiding people in her life before, mostly because nobody really made an effort to interact with her. Most people even avoided her, only making life easier for her, and those who tried to befriend her would often give up in a matter of days. Because of this, Na Ri never knew how difficult it was to avoid someone when they're practically right next to you all day.

It would start in the morning. The boring and calm everyday train ride that Na Ri used to enjoy, was becoming suffocating to her. No matter what she did, faith always seemed to bring them together on the same train almost every morning. Some days she would succeed in her mission to avoid him by standing far away, hidden behind the many commuters on the train. She wanted at least her mornings to herself, because she knew that the minute she stepped into University, she would be captured by Min Ji and she wouldn't let her go until the day was over. Na Ri needed this time to herself, it was necessary if she didn't want to go crazy.

But after a whole week where Na Ri managed to avoid Namjoon on the train, faith again joined in and made sure she got to the train station too late to go to the back of the wagon. It was already filled with people when she got on and Na Ri was forced to stand almost right next to the door, constantly being pushed by people moving around. When she felt herself bump into the person next to her, she quickly looked up to give an apology, but all words disappeared from her mind when she locked eyes with Namjoon.

"Oh good morning Song Na Ri-ssi," Namjoon said when he saw Na Ri's startled face, "it looks like a lot of people are taking this train today. You seem a bit uncomfortable. Here, I'll move a bit so you have more space."

"No!" Na Ri blurted out and made Namjoon stop before he could even move an inch, "I mean... it's okay."

"If you say so," Namjoon replied and Na Ri quickly looked away, taking out her phone so she looked more unapproachable.

"I feel like it's been a while since I saw you on the train," Namjoon said, clearly not able to read Na Ri's signals, "have you begun taking an even earlier train?"

"No." Na Ri's reply was short and straightforward, not a change in facial expression or even a short moment of eye contact. And it continued like that throughout the ride. Every time Namjoon asked something or tried to start up a conversation, Na Ri answered either 'yes' or 'no' or just resolved to shrugging her shoulders.

"But really, Song Na Ri-ssi," Namjoon suddenly said in a much more serious tone than earlier, "how have you been since that day? I never really got the chance to talk to you, I just heard that Lee Min Ji-ssi walked you home."

"I'm fine," Na Ri said while looking out the window, thanking God that they were almost at the station.

"Are you sure? I got really scared that day. You have to take better care of yourself," Namjoon said and when Na Ri didn't say anything Namjoon just continued, "I spoke with Dr. Kang, she said it might be good for you to talk to someone."

"I'M FINE," Na Ri said in a firm tone and Namjoon gulped when he saw the fire in her eyes.

"I... I'm glad... to hear you're fine," Namjoon said, bringing Na Ri out of her daze and she quickly looked down at her feet, "but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be good for you to talk to someone. We all need someone to confide in. It doesn't have to be Dr. Kang, you also have Min Ji-ssi. I can tell she really wants to get to be your friend and I'm sure she'd be a good listener."

Na Ri kept her eyes on her shoes all the while her blood started heating up in her veins.

"I know I might seem harsh for forcing you into that group project, but all I really want is for you to get more friends. Your youth is a time to be treasured and I wouldn't want you to go through it alone."

Stop...

"We all need someone we can depend on, especially when we're going through a tough time."

Stop it...

"I know it might be hard to talk to new people, but they won't be new people forever. That's how people go from 'strangers' to 'friends'. You just have to get out of your comfort zone-"

"Just... stop it..."

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" 

Na Ri didn't even realize she had said the sentence out loud, but once she realized the words had already gone past her lips she suddenly got the courage she needed to speak the words that had been hidden in her heart for the last two weeks.

"I said... stop it!" Na Ri nearly shouted and looked up at Namjoon, feeling a boost of self-confidence. Actually felt more like anger than self-confidence.

"I... I don't unders-"

"I don't want your advice! I don't want your help. All I want is for you to leave me alone. So please... please just leave me alone." Na Ri's eyes were burning as she stared at Namjoon who just had his mouth open and his eyes widened, while his brain tried to wrap itself around what Na Ri had just said.

"Beware, doors are opening."

It only took a second of Namjoon's attention to shift from Na Ri until she had vanished into the thin air, and Namjoon just exhaled deeply before he got off the train as well.

What just happened? Namjoon thought to himself as he walked down the street, on his way to University.

***

The sound of the bell echoed all over campus and every student got up from their seat, releasing one sigh of relief after another, while they started discussing what to buy from the cafeteria. All except Na Ri, who was still sitting on her chair with her chin resting in her left hand while using the right hand to turn the pages of her textbook. The first half of the day had already been insufferable and she almost couldn't handle the thought of getting through the rest of the day.

"Na Ri-ya, aren't you coming for lunch?" Min Ji said and Na Ri looked up from her book.

"I'm not hungry," Na Ri said and only then realized how harsh she might have sounded.

"I see," Min Ji said and thought for a while, "but why don't you come anyway? You don't have to eat, you can just sit with us."

"I don't-"

"Please...!" Min Ji said and dragged out the word while she looked at Na Ri with the biggest puppy eyes she could muster, "I get so lonely without you there. I hate being the only girl, you can't let me be alone with those boys."

Min Ji was now standing only a few inches away from Na Ri and she kept her eyes focused on Na Ri's, making it impossible for Na Ri to look away from her bewitching eyes.

"O...kay," Na Ri then said and Min Ji's smile turned even bigger as she took a step back and made a little jump of victory.

"Yay!" Min Ji whisper yelled and then quickly helped Na Ri pack up her things so they could go to the cafeteria before the break was over.

"There you are," Taehyung said when Na Ri and Min Ji sat down at the table. The boys were sitting across from each other and Min Ji sat next to Jungkook, leaving Na Ri to sit next to Taehyung and across from Min Ji.

"We thought you had gone deaf and didn't hear the bell," Jungkook said and looked at Min Ji next to him, "what took you so long?"

"Oh just," Min Ji said and looked at Na Ri who didn't know what to do with herself, "just girl talk."

"Girl talk?" Taehyung said with his face stuffed with food.

"Yah! What did I tell you about talking with food in your mouth?" Min Ji said and tried hitting him but he was sitting too far away.

"No violence while we're eating, please," Jungkook said to maintain the peace, "oh but Na Ri-ssi, aren't you going to eat anything?"

Na Ri looked up when she heard her name being mentioned and she found three sets of eyes staring at her.

"I'm not hungry," she just said.

"But you have the whole afternoon left, what if you get hungry later?" Jungkook continued, "aren't you afraid you'll run out of fuel?"

"I have... this," Na Ri said after pulling out a candy bar from her bag and Taehyung couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Na Ri-ssi, you're like a vending machine!" Taehyung said in between his laughs, "you wouldn't happen to have an extra in there, would you?"

Na Ri quickly buried her face in her bag and when she looked up again, she had another candy bar in her hand.

"Which one do you want?" she said while holding both candy bars out in front of Taehyung. He quickly picked one and happily rubbed it against his cheek as if it was his first love.

"You really are an angel!" Taehyung said and Na Ri didn't know how to respond, so she just put the other candy bar back in her bag and then looked at the table. But then suddenly, a wrapped bun appeared in front of her eyes and she looked up to see Jungkook pushing it to her.

"What-"

"I know you said you're not hungry, but please don't go through the day eating nothing but candy," Jungkook said with a half serious, half worried look in his eyes, "your body needs more than just sugar."

"I don't need-" Na Ri began while trying to push back the bun, but Jungkook stopped her before that.

"Just eat it, please," he said and looked at her with a gentle look, "I already ate a lot, I bought more than I could eat."

Na Ri sat still for a while, trying to think of something else to say but Jungkook's caring eyes were too much for her to refuse another time.

"Thank you," she then said and unwrapped the bun.

Min Ji, who had just been observing the situation with a smile on her face, took in a deep breath and then finally spoke up, thinking it would be more comfortable for Na Ri to change the subject.

"So I was thinking about doing something after school today, are you guys free?" Min Ji said and looked at Jungkook and Taehyung.

"Sure, what do you want to do?" Jungkook said.

"I don't know, just hang out."

"Well I'm in," Taehyung said.

"Great!" Min Ji said and then turned to look at Na Ri, "what about you Na Ri-ya, do you want to hang out after school?"

"I have to work," Na Ri said and Min Ji looked severely disappointed.

"Really? That's too bad," Min Ji said and Na Ri just smiled nervously.

"You seem to work a lot," Jungkook then said, "perhaps, do you pay for your living expenses yourself?" Na Ri replied with a nod.

"Really?" Min Ji said a bit surprised, "what about your parents?"

"My mom pays for my tuition," Na Ri then replied, "since I didn't want to live in the dorm I said I would pay for my living expenses myself."

"And what about your dad?" Min Ji said as she had noticed how Na Ri only said 'mom' after being asked about her 'parents'.

"He lives in America."

"America?" Taehyung blurted out in shock and Na Ri just nodded.

"That's far away," Min Ji said, "how often do you see him?"

"I haven't seen him since I was 11 years old."

"So you don't have any contact with your dad?" Jungkook asked.

"We text," Na Ri replied, trying to figure out why the atmosphere had suddenly become gloomy.

"Ahh..." Jungkook replied, "I see..."

"Hey," Taehyung whispered, although he wasn't as discreet as he tried to be, "isn't it a bit weird for a father not to visit his daught- OUCH!" Jungkook sent Taehyung a glare from the other side of the table after kicking him hard.

"What was that for?" Taehyung said.

"You and your big mouth," Jungkook just said with a sigh.

"You must miss your dad," Min Ji said and tried to divert Na Ri's attention away from the boys.

"I don't know," Na Ri said, trying to stop herself from becoming emotional.

"Well, you're a tough girl to take care of yourself like this," Min Ji then said, "but if you ever need anything we're here for you."

"Thank you," Na Ri said and sent Min Ji a smile.

***

"Ugh..." Na Ri exhaled after collapsing on her bed in her small studio apartment. Her legs felt like they were killing her, she had gone all in on her cleaning job today, trying to use work as a diversion of all her thoughts.

"Meow!"

Na Ri turned her head and saw the cat standing on the bed right next to her face. It looked at her with the same cute eyes as always and Na Ri couldn't help but smile.

"Did you have a good day?" Na Ri asked the cat and started petting it so it snuggled up next to her on the bed.

"Mine was okay, I guess," she then continued talking while the cat purred, "it seems like I'm being more social these days than I have been for the last 10 years of my life."

"Well it's not all bad, sometimes I think I could get used to this, but then..." Na Ri stopped petting the cat and just stared at the ceiling with an empty look in her eyes.

Friends only betray you, the inner voice of Na Ri said, one she had tried to ignore for a while.

"Min Ji doesn't seem like a person who would betray me," Na Ri whispered to herself, trying to sound convincing.

When did you start trusting people so easily? The voice mocked her.

"I am not, I'm just observing and the more I look, the more I start believing that Min Ji is a person I can trust," Na Ri said.

Don't trust anyone but yourself.

"But I want to trust her."

She'll betray you, she'll ruin everything you build.

"No she won't!"

Do you really want to disappoint you dad that badly?

"STOP IT!" Na Ri yelled and the cat that had curled up next to her jumped down from the bed in shock.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry cat!" Na Ri said and got down on the floor to comfort the cat, "I didn't mean to raise my voice like that." Na Ri sat on the floor for a while and then looked out through the glass door to her balcony.

"I think I need some fresh air," Na Ri then said and got up. She quickly grabbed her sweater before opening the door and walking out on the balcony. 

The evenings were getting colder and it wouldn't be long before winter was near, but Na Ri was still happy that she had the opportunity to go outside and clear her head after a long day.

At least that was what she had hoped for, but once she stepped outside, she immediately noticed the light coming from her neighbor's apartment and took notice of Namjoon who seemed to have gotten the same idea about getting some fresh air.

Na Ri quickly spun around on her heel, ready to go back inside, but she didn't get very far until Namjoon spoke up.

"Wait," he said and Na Ri stopped on the spot, "are you still mad at me?"

Na Ri took a deep breath, she really wasn't in the mood for this right now. It had already been a long day and she just had an internal discussion with herself that had tired her out even more. So after turning around again and walking up to the side of her balcony that was facing Namjoon, she looked him directly into his eyes and said:

"I'm not yours to save."

"I'm not trying to save you, I just think you deserve to be happy," Namjoon said, but he was afraid he only poured fuel on the fire as he could practically see the anger in Na Ri's eyes.

"What makes you think I wasn't happy before?" Na Ri said, the words flowing like they never had before. For the first time in her life she just spoke without thinking, she just let out every feeling she had been holding in until now.

"I could tell you weren't happy, you always walked around alone and you never talked to anyone-"

"I was doing fine! I didn't want to talk to anyone. You were the one who ruined everything for me, pushing me to do all the things you thought was right for me."

"Really? You were doing fine before?" Namjoon said, now also feeling his blood boiling as the conversation continued getting more and more heated, "so you were happy being all alone? You were happy never talking to anyone? Did you know that some people actually thought you were mute, people who had been in your department for years, they never heard your voice before."

"I don't need people to notice me, unlike some people."

"And don't even get me started on your panic attacks. Don't you dare tell me you are doing fine when you had an attack so severe that you passed out!"

"I was having a bad day! I didn't have enough to drink, that's all there is to it!"

"You see, this is why you will never get better," Namjoon said in anger, "because you won't acknowledge your problem."

"Well maybe you should try acknowledging your problem first," Na Ri said and Namjoon looked at her in confusion which made her continue; "meddling in other people's business."

Just then, as Namjoon was thinking of what comeback to throw at Na Ri, and as Na Ri felt the adrenaline rush through her veins, making her blood boil and her heart beat faster, everything turned black. The lights in their apartment switched off and so did the lights in every building miles away from them. It was pitch black and only the stars on the sky made for a beautiful setting.

"I guess there's a blackout," Namjoon said after looking around, but when he turned his eyes to Na Ri's balcony, something didn't seem right.

"Hey, are you okay?" Namjoon asked as he noticed how Na Ri was clinging to the railing on her balcony, one hand on her chest while she was breathing in and out in fast breaths.

"Hey, take it easy, it's going to be okay, the lights will turn back on soon." 

But Na Ri didn't listen, she couldn't listen. Everything around her was getting blurry, the sounds as well as her vision. Feeling the strength in her legs disappear, she crouched down on her balcony and curled up into a ball, all the while she continued breathing faster and faster.

"Na Ri-ssi? Na Ri-ssi? Na Ri! Look at me!"

Hello everyone!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it ended on a cliffhanger but lucky you, you don't have to wait to find out what happens. Simple click on "Next Chapter" and read more. 

But before you do that, don't forget to leave a comment down below.

Remember to stay warm and eat healthy and take care of yourself. Stay safe.

Love, Annalise~