Chapter 10

"You're not alone"

Darkness. That was all that surrounded Na Ri. No light, no colors, no sounds. Just pure nothing as she was trying to come back to her senses. Without opening her eyes, she reached for her head and groaned in pain, trying not to think too much of the blasting headache she felt. It was ringing from her eyes, as if she had been to a rock concert without earplugs.

As she slowly started regaining her conscience, Na Ri heard something that sounded a bit like a voice calling out her name. It was such a soft and soothing voice, a voice that called out to her in worry. As her senses became active again, she realized that someone was holding her hand. No the person wasn't just holding her hand, the person had put one hand below and one above hers, so she could feel all the warmth of that person spread throughout her body. It made her feel safe and secure in their presence.

"Na Ri-ya?"

Na Ri again heard her name being called and she finally started opening her eyes, getting blinded by the light after spending hours in the darkness that filled her mind. But once her eyes had gotten used to the daylight, she was able to focus her sight on the person sitting next to her.

"Hello there," Min Ji said when she saw Na Ri looking directly at her, "how are you feeling?" She spoke in a low and calm tone so she didn't startle Na Ri.

"Where... am I?" asked Na Ri as she looked around and tried to piece together the memories of what had happened.

"You are in the school infirmary, we did talk about calling an ambulance when you fainted, but since you woke up rather quickly, we decided to take you here as a start," Min Ji explained, "after you woke up, you seemed very disoriented, like you wasn't really awake. So after bringing you here, you immediately fell asleep. I guess your body was in need of some rest."

Na Ri nodded along as she listened to every word that  Min Ji had spoken, she was still trying to process everything, but it was slowly coming back to her. Na Ri then lifted her head and looked at Min Ji, about to ask her something, only until she realized that Min Ji was still lovingly holding onto Na Ri's hand. Worried that she would startle Min Ji or make her embarrassed, Na Ri just gently removed her hand from Min Ji's grip and tried to send her a smile.

"I think... I think I understand... but" Na Ri started while nervously rubbing her hands together, looking around in the room, "where's my bag?"

"Oh your bag?" Min Ji said and bend down, "it's right here."

In one quick maneuver, Na Ri snatched the bag out of Min Ji's hand and began searched through it, until she found her hand sanitizer. Not caring even the least bit that Min Ji was watching her every move, Na Ri began disinfecting both her hands. And then she did it again. And again. But no matter how much she did it, it didn't seem to make her feel better. She wanted this incident to go away, she wanted her anxiety to go away, but not even having perfectly clean hands could make any of this go away.

Na Ri was about to panic when suddenly, the sound of a door opening and then closing, made her snap out of her mania and she looked up to see who had entered the room.

"I see our patient has woken up," said a woman with short black hair and big brown eyes, "how are you feeling, Song Na Ri-ssi?"

Na Ri didn't reply, but just looked at the woman in utter confusion, as she had never seen her before. But then again, Na Ri never really took notice of anyone in school.

"Oh I'm sorry for my lack of manners," the woman then said when she noticed Na Ri's confused look, "my name is Kang Ji Woo, I'm the school nurse of this department." 

Na Ri politely bowed her head, but still didn't say anything, so Ji Woo instead turned to Min Ji for information. All the while those two discussed Na Ri's condition, Na Ri just stared into the air, looking at nothing and everything, all at the same time.

"-and how about you? Are you okay, Lee Min Ji-ssi?" Ji Woo then asked after talking to Min Ji for a little while.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be fine?" Min Ji said and flashed her a big smile.

"You've been sitting by her bed for a long time now," Ji Woo said with a somewhat serious look on her face, "I hope you remember to take care of yourself as well. You know what, why don't you go to the cafeteria and get something to eat? Then I can have a little talk with Song Na Ri-ssi alone."

Min Ji looked at Na Ri who still stared into the air with no expression on her face.

"Sure, I'll do that," Min Ji said and then turned to Na Ri, putting her hand on hers again, "Na Ri-ya, I'll be right back."

Na Ri's heart made a little jump when she felt Min Ji's hand on hers again, but it wasn't long before she removed it and got up from her seat, so Na Ri didn't even have time to react.

The second Min Ji walked out of the door, Na Ri felt a strange sensation of discomfort as she was now alone with a woman she definitely didn't trust. They way she looked at Na Ri with those big wide puppy eyes, so full of pity and worry, it almost made Na Ri want to get up and leave right that instant. But sadly, she knew her legs wouldn't have enough strength to carry her at this moment.

"Song Na Ri-ssi," Ji Woo said to get Na Ri's attention, and once Na Ri got eye contact with her, she continued, "can you try explaining what happened right before you fainted?"

The words of the school nurse made Na Ri re-live, not only the first half of this day, but also the days leading up to all this. Getting a new Professor, being put in a group against her will and now, getting an unsatisfying score on her paper.

"I think..." Na Ri said and Ji Woo looked at Na Ri, giving her undevoted attention to her, "I think... I just forgot to drink enough water today." Ji Woo was tempted to let out a huge sigh when she heard Na Ri's lie, but instead she sent her a smile.

"Is that so?" Ji Woo said in a questioning voice, "because I spoke with Professor Kim after he and Lee Min Ji-ssi brought you here. He told me you were upset about something, something about a score on a paper? Maybe you didn't feel you got the score you deserved after all your hard work? But maybe that wasn't the only reason you were upset, have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

Na Ri looked at Ji Woo as her breathing became faster and she tried her best to contain her facial expression. She wasn't going to say a word, she wouldn't allow this woman to get under her skin. Na Ri knew exactly what she was trying to do, but she could just as well forget about it. Na Ri wasn't going to be an easy victim. She was onto her. Actually, she didn't really make it that hard for Na Ri. One look on her ID card and she knew she wasn't going to tell this woman anything.

Kang Ji Woo

School nurse & Psychologist

"Knock knock! Na Ri-ya, I bought you a chocolate chip cookie so-" 

Min Ji had spoken cheerfully as she entered the infirmary again, but when she felt the tense atmosphere, she quickly stopped talking and stayed in front of the door.

"Is this a bad time?" Min Ji asked, as she looked at Ji Woo for answers, "s...should I come back later? I can just leave the cooki-"

"No Min Ji-ssi," Ji Woo quickly said, "I think you came back right in time. I actually have to go now, so if you could stay with Na Ri for little while longer, then that would be great." It was impossible to miss the relief that was taking over Na Ri's entire face once she had seen Min Ji return, and Ji Woo already knew that Na Ri wasn't going to talk to her.

"Well of course I can stay," Min Ji said and walked over to the bed and sat down on the same chair where she'd been sitting all day long.

"And when Na Ri-ssi feels a little better then make sure she gets home safely. She shouldn't overexert herself anymore today, so it's better for her to go home rather than going to anymore classes."

"That is understood."

"I'm counting on you," Ji Woo said and then turned her eyes to Na Ri, "and Na Ri-ssi, remember that my door is always open. Holding all your feeling inside isn't healthy, so if you ever want to talk to someone about it, then come see me."

The door closed behind Ji Woo and Na Ri exhaled in the same minute, finally feeling like she was able to breathe again. It wasn't that Min Ji didn't notice the weird tension in the air before, or noticed how much more relaxed Na Ri was now, but she still let it remain an unspoken matter and instead gave Na Ri the cookie and started telling her what she had been missing in the hours where she slept.

"What time is it?" Na Ri asked after eating the cookie, feeling a lot more energetic now that she had some sugar in her body.

"It's 2.30 PM."

The infirmary quickly got insanely quiet, but no words were needed as Na Ri's gigantically widened eyes that stared deeply into Min Ji's soul, was enough to get her fear past to Min Ji.

"Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" Min Ji asked with a slight chuckle, "what did you expect? It's not like time stood still in the hours you were asleep."

Before Min Ji could say anymore, Na Ri started fumbling around for her things and her bag, before trying to get out of bed, determined not to waste even one more second.

"Oh are you going home now? Then I'll walk you home like Dr. Kang said-"

"I'm going to class," Na Ri said, interrupting Min Ji without even blinking.

"What are you talking about?" Min Ji asked with a raised voice, "the day is nearly over and besides that, you should rest. Doctor's order!"

"She's just a school nurse," Na Ri said while getting out of the bed, "I'm going to class."

Min Ji opened her mouth but no word was able to exit and she just stared at Na Ri, feeling her entire body itch and bite until she finally had enough. Without any second thought, Min Ji got up from the chair and grabbed Na Ri's hand, hard enough for her to know she was being serious, and she looked directly into her eyes.

"Na Ri-ya, now you listen to me for a second," Min Ji said while still not letting go of Na Ri's hand, "you need to give yourself a break, girl! Are you trying to kill yourself, because that could very well happen! Do you know why you fainted earlier? Because you hyperventilated, just like you did that day I found you outside. Eventually your brain wasn't getting enough oxygen and because of that, you fainted. I don't know if you thought this was a fun experience, but if you don't want that to happen again then you need to listen to the doctor and listen to me, your friend, when we tell you to go home and rest up for the day. Am I being clear?"

Na Ri looked at Min Ji whose eyes hadn't left hers for even a second and she slowly nodded while trying to hold back her tears. And just as Na Ri nodded along, Min Ji let go of her hand and relaxed her muscles.

"Good," Min Ji then said in a calm voice and showed her a gentle smile, "we only wish the best for you, please try to understand that."

Na Ri nodded again and Min Ji then gently patted her back, making her take a step forward as they both found their way out of the infirmary.

Even though Na Ri told Min Ji several times that it would be okay to let her walk home on her own, she still followed behind like the loyal friend she was. Luckily, the train wasn't too packed as the rush hour hadn't begun yet, and before they knew it, they had reached their designated station and were on their way to Na Ri's apartment.

"You know, what Dr. Kang said is true, if you keep all your feeling bottled up inside it'll just be too much for you one day," Min Ji suddenly said as she was calmly walking next to Na Ri, both of them staring at their feet robotically moving forward.

"That's why I want you to know that I'm here for you," Min Ji added, "if you need someone to talk to."

"Thank you," Na Ri said without looking up, "but I'm fine. Don't worry."

Min Ji once again felt that pain and itching in her chest and she clenched her fist, but when she turned her eyes and looked at Na Ri who had this expressionless face plastered on, Min Ji just let out a sigh. She then took in another deep breath and raised her head up high, looking at the sky where clouds filled the entire blue canvas.

"You know, I used to see a psychologist back when I was 14 years old."

Na Ri suddenly looked up and almost stumbled over her own foot, but she quickly regained her balance and made sure to stay quiet so Min Ji would have a chance to continue her story.

"Some things happened back then, but I didn't allow myself to be sad and I just held in everything until one day where I broke down. I still wouldn't talk to anyone, but by then, my parents wouldn't just leave me alone anymore. So they forced me to see a psychologist. I had never felt so pathetic in my entire life, I didn't want a complete stranger to try and look inside my brain and try to tell me how to live my life. But I knew my parents wouldn't give in until I went there so I just decided to go with it, I already knew it wouldn't help at all."

"What happened?" Na Ri then asked after a while of silence, and that reaction was just the one Min Ji had been hoping for. Knowing that she now had Na Ri's full attention, she continued and said:

"I'm not happy to admit it, but talking to that psychologist actually helped me a lot. I'm tempted to say that she is the reason I am doing so well today. I thought that a stranger would never be able to help with my problems. How would she understand them? But it turned out, talking to a stranger was just what I needed. An outsider who knew nothing of me or my family or my situation. Someone who only listened to my side of the story, someone who never questioned me but listened to me and accepted me as I was. Who allowed me to get all my feeling and frustrations out on her. And she helped me to get to know myself better and helped me to deal with some of the emotions that I had."

As Min Ji stopped talking and just looked ahead on the street with a smile on her face, Na Ri lowered her gaze to her feet again, and Min Ji quickly took notice of it.

"Na Ri-ya," Min Ji then said and stopped in her tracks, which made Na Ri do the same as she lifted her eyes to look at her friend, "I'm not telling you that you have to talk to Dr. Kang or any other psychologist for that matter. I just want you to know that if one day you feel like it, then there's no shame in that. I know how some people view it, but I want to break that taboo, because asking for help should never be looked down upon."

"Thank you," was all Na Ri could bring herself to say. Saying nothing definitely felt wrong, but what else she could say, she didn't know.

Min Ji seemed very satisfied though and just flashed Na Ri another one of her sunshine smiles before she let out a sigh, indicating that all this serious talk was over.

"So, how far are we from your apartment?" Min Ji asked in a cheerful tone. Na Ri replied by pointed at the tall yellow brick building just a few blocks away from where they were standing.

"Oh we're close I see," Min Ji then said, "let's go."

Walking next to each other in silence, the two girls finally reaching Na Ri's apartment and Min Ji followed her all the way to her door. Only then did she give off the impression that she would leave Na Ri be.

"You're sure you'll be okay by yourself?" Min Ji said for the third time already and as Na Ri had done every time, she gave her a nod, "well you have my number so if you need me or are bored, don't hesitate to text me, okay?"

"Okay," Na Ri said and waved as Min Ji started walking towards the elevator.

"Bye!" Na Ri read from her lips just before the doors closed and the elevator drove down.

After closing the door behind her, Na Ri just threw her shoes in the corner and let herself collapse on the floor. She looked up at her ceiling, feeling her body calm down and while she was counting all the cracks, she suddenly felt something very soft brush against her face. She turned her head and was met by those two beautiful green eyes from her cat that was standing right next to her.

"Hi there!" Na Ri said and stroke the cat over it's fur so it starting purring even louder than it already did, "yes I'm home a little early today. Are you happy to see me?"

The cat again purred in response and Na Ri found herself finally smiling as she turned her body and just laid on the floor in fetal position while the cat snuggled up next to her.

"Today was a hard day," Na Ri said and felt her eyes getting watery, "I'm just happy that I'm able to come home and see a friendly face. You won't be disappointed in me, right? If they call my mom about today's happening, I know she'll be disappointed in me, and if they call my dad... If they call him..."

Na Ri stopped talking while her hand just continued to pet the cat who looked at her with the same calm expression. But Na Ri wasn't able to remain calm anymore. She couldn't control her tears anymore and they just slowly started leaving her eyes and fell down on her checks and down on the cold wooden floor. Her sobbing turned into cries and her cries brought her into despair, one she couldn't seem to get out of.

That was until an unexpected knock on the door made her hold her breath.

"Song Na Ri-ssi, are you in there!" Na Ri heard the voice of a lady say, a voice she felt like she had heard before, "it's me, Kim Namjoon's mother, Yeon Hee. I brought some more side dishes for Namjoon and I thought you might want some."

Na Ri just stayed on the floor and did her best to stay completely quiet. The tears were still soundlessly sliding down her cheeks, but she made sure not to let out even a single sob. 

After laying still for a while, she suddenly heard something that sounded like a bump on the floor, and then she heard footsteps from someone walking further and further away.

Na Ri quickly got up on her feet and put her ear close to the door, but made sure not to touch it, and when she had made sure there was no one outside, she slowly opened the door. She was right, Yeon Hee had left, but at the threshold of her doorstep stood a bunch of Tupperware, all filled to it's max with different side dishes. Na Ri quickly looked outside and when she was sure no one was waiting in ambush, she grabbed everything and took it inside.

On top of the lid was a little note, neatly written in such a cheerful tone that it could even be felt through the words.

Good afternoon, Song Na Ri-ssi.

Since you weren't home when I stopped by today, I decided to leave the side dishes in front of your door. My son tells me you're the most hardworking and intelligent of all his students, so make sure to treat your body well.

Don't work too hard, youth is about having fun and finding yourself, so don't forget that. I wish you a lovely evening.

Sincerely, Yeon Hee.

Na Ri didn't even realize that her tears had started flowing again until she noticed the teardrop that hit the little note. Those words were exactly what she wanted to hear, then why didn't it make her feel any better? Why did she still feel like a failure?

While those thoughts kept Na Ri occupied, she just took the side dishes to the kitchen and began making room for them in the fridge, running entirely on autopilot. After closing the door to the fridge, Na Ri looked around in her apartment and then looked down on the floor where the cat stood right by her feet.

"Meow!" said the cat and Na Ri let out a sigh before grabbing the cloth next to the sink.

"You're right, cat. I might not be able to clean the mess inside my head, but at least I can clean my apartment."

Hello everyone!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Remember to stay warm and eat healthy and take care of yourself. Stay safe.

Also, don't forget to leave a comment down below.

Love, Annalise~